On Fucking, Animals or Otherwise

By Balls Malone I would like to clarify that when I talk about fucking animals, it is a purely hypothetical scenario I'm envisioning. It's a campfire chitchat goof, like “what superpower would you like to have?” (you know mine), or “if you could only kill one Backstreet Boys member with an icepick, which one would … Continue reading On Fucking, Animals or Otherwise →

Inverse-Dysmorphia and North Americans

My post last week about my Japanese student's observation that most white people are the shape of Doraemon, the Japanese Garfield, got me thinking about something I noticed a while back while I was visiting my original home of Canada.As someone who’s lived in Japan for over ten years now, I’ve found that most North … Continue reading Inverse-Dysmorphia and North Americans →

Education

Me, reading or watching educational content: “Huh, that’s interesting” or “Hmm, that seems fishy, I should check that out.” Inevitable comment on the content: “WHY THE FUCK WASN’T I MADE AWARE OF THIS IN SCHOOL?!!!" For fuck sakes, get a grip, youngster. While I have no doubt that your education system has failed you, it … Continue reading Education →

White People’s Gift

Tonight in one of my English conversation classes (here in Japan), we were discussing eating habits and weight gain. One of my students proclaimed that it’s okay to get fat; especially for white people. “Most white people look Doraemon shape,” she said. (Doraemon pictured below for reference.) “But,” she went on, “it’s okay. It’s a … Continue reading White People’s Gift →

Superpower

by Balls Malone If I could have one superpower it would be to be able to transcend space and time to have three-ways with Queen Elizabeth II and Betty White in 1945. More specifically, that all three of us rendezvous in a suitably groovy trans-dimensional place, with them being their respective ages from that year. … Continue reading Superpower →

Research

Anytime someone you’re talking to starts mentioning their “research,” beware. Best case scenario is, they are some kind of university troglodyte that somehow hasn’t learned that their life’s work isn’t something other people want to hear about. This is just awkward and dull. So not unlike many conversations, really. More often that not, however, it’s … Continue reading Research →