Dialogue in the Workplace

“Gee whiz, Dave, you sure do look worried today. What seems to be troubling you?”

“Well, Joe, it’s just that I’m growing concerned that Bob isn’t taking his responsibilities as an auditor seriously.”

“Hmmm… Well, that is a pickle there, Dave. I guess all I can tell you is that we all have had similar concerns regarding Bob. Just know that, like feelings of love, your concerns will probably pass with time.”

“Thanks, Joe. I feel a bit better just knowing that you’ve acknowledged my concerns. I feel perceived and valued.”

“I’m glad I could help, Dave. That’s what I’m here for. Well, that, and watching out for Bob!”

Dave and Joe laugh heartily together. Having bonded over a shared workplace trouble, their dialogue is in no way a waste of company time or resources, so long as they don’t linger too long after the laughter subsides.


Yeah, so this evening after a long day of work some autistic-esque asshole cut in front of me in line to get on the train for my evening commute and I totally wanted to beat him to death right then and there. And some lucid part of my brain was telling me that a lot of that anger inside me is probably coming from my daughter having been diagnosed with autism in the last month. But my lizard brain really wanted to hurt that guy. Badly. I wanted badly to hurt him bad, is what I mean. But instead I sat there and stewed in it for my whole commute. And then I realized that I’m just like some fucking after-school TV-special dad character trope with this shit. Real original. But it’s all just because I love so damn much! Right?


Babies of all Ages

One fun thing about babies is that all of their babbling and nonsense is entirely purposeful. They believe wholeheartedly that they have something important to say and are expressing it clearly; that the remote control truly belongs in the trash. They have important work to do.

Sadly, people rarely lose this perception of themselves, although some people do actually develop the faculties to communicate, think, and act effectively.

Many don’t, however. Like babies, these folks stumble on through life convinced they make sense and are doing important work.

Only now they can drive and own guns and stuff. Sometimes they run countries.

my seed

(Alternative Title: If I Treated My Semen Like Some Women Do Their Menses)

my seed is the fecund stuff of humanity
from such, all are born
my jizz is acorn filled bounty
to be ploughed into fertile earth

I am host to a divine host
squiggly wriggly miracles
each carrying my ancestors entire
I squirt the universe out of my dick

or, wait…

like menses
there’s nothing mystical going on
it’s all fucking biology

Random Historical Thought

The Allies did not win World War II.

Now, before you get all cunty about that, take a second and think. Sure they fought the motherfucker and beat the Axis. The Allies had the victory without a doubt. But at what cost? They didn’t win shit.

You know who won?


The Swiss got the Jewish wealth of Europe piped right to them. All that money and gold taken from genocide, straight into their coffers. Scot free.

Not a shot fired.