Papa. My grandfather.He was full-on German. And by full-on, I mean full-fucking-ON.Born and bred Prussian aristocracy: a real Von from Berlin. I'm not bragging, it just is what it is, and very relevant to who he was. Unless you've been pinned under the gaze of a man who's had that kind of upbringing, you can't … Continue reading Papa on Tickling
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Party Time With the Cool Kids
At the first drinking party I went to in high school, everyone was going on about how great the last party was because some chick blew some guy, threw up all over herself, passed out in a bathtub, and then shit her pants. “And you know what? She's coming to the party later! Her brother … Continue reading Party Time With the Cool Kids
Audience
It’s important to get out and do things with people as much as you can, even if the people annoy the piss out of you.Now middle-aged, I’m grateful to have a head full of memories that I’m endlessly amused by, even though at the time of their creation I was often not enjoying myself as … Continue reading Audience
On Gamers
Okay, so WTF is Wrong With Gamers?I know this isn't breaking news, but it turns out that “gamers” suck. With behavior like “swatting” people as a goof, threatening rape and murder of women who are critical of the video game industry, and polluting whatever online forums they occupy with their regressive ideas and repetitive attempts … Continue reading On Gamers
Crazy
My dad came to visit us here in Japan last week. As the highlight of his trip, I drove him to Nikko, which has a UNESCO World Heritage Site designation and is almost ludicrously full of gorgeous shrines and temples. Really. He’s a shutterbug, so he needed to take his time taking pictures of everything. … Continue reading Crazy
Triceratops
When I was five, visiting my grandparents for the summer in Ontario, some relative gave me a big book about dinosaurs. Pretty sweet gift, I must say. (I thought so then, too.) One afternoon, I was leafing through that book on the porch of my grandparents’ cabin on the Ottawa river and some random adult … Continue reading Triceratops
How It Has Always Been Done
In an exclusive boarding school for boys, there is an unusual hazing practice. When a young boy first joins his dormitory, the other boys (ranging in ages up to eighteen) drag him from his bed in the middle of the night to the toilets. There, they push his face into a toilet and stick a … Continue reading How It Has Always Been Done
Diner
In Edmonton, I love 24 hour diners at four in the morning. It’s got to be four in the morning. In Edmonton, last call is 1 AM, and closing time is two. If you go to that diner at three, there’s just too many drunks. It’s like being inside a pen during feeding time. Not … Continue reading Diner
Another PSA For the Young Women
First of all, this is not advice for all young women. If the title were more accurate it would read something like: “advice for those young women who seek a sexual encounter or a more long-term relationship with a male.” That's not the pithiest title, however, so, as is usual in all things, accuracy and … Continue reading Another PSA For the Young Women
Complaining Stoically
“Without complaint” is not an expression one can self-apply without it becoming oxymoronic. “I bear this without complaint because of my love for you.” No you don’t. You just complained! That you chose to do it in a cunty, passive-aggressive way doesn’t mean you get to complain while simultaneously taking credit for the virtue of … Continue reading Complaining Stoically
Muse Vassal 