Author: musevassal

Bad Dream

Had a bad dream a few nights ago. In it, my companion and I were fugitives trying to get to safety through a convoluted mess of urban landscapes. My companion was a woman who never did anything useful, but comforted me with her mere presence as she followed me about. We finally got into the … Continue reading Bad Dream →

Cherish Your Anus

This is no joke, you fuckers. Not everyone is lucky enough to have an anus. Think on that when you’re knuckling into yours after a some sweet itch. Cherish it! When you have one of them scratchy poops that hurts so good, you need to really be in that moment and treasure every last nuance … Continue reading Cherish Your Anus →

Star Wars Fan Fiction

It was not long after Senator Palpatine declared himself Emperor that he took his revenge on Jar Jar Binks. It was but a simple matter to force persuade Jar Jar into performing the most degrading acts imaginable on him right in the senate for all to see. What better to way to end democracy in … Continue reading Star Wars Fan Fiction →

WTF, Luke?

Just watched Return of the Jedi again. It has its moments. However, I have to say the “there’s good in him, I feel it,” theme that runs through those movies about Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker is some real bullshit. I mean, what the fuck, Luke? That’s your answer, is it? Fall back on the … Continue reading WTF, Luke? →

On Noah’s Ark

I have an itch to stick with this whole Noah's Arc thing, since the story had a lot to do with me repudiating Christianity at a fairly young age. Having never received any religious indoctrination from my parents or grandparents, either positive or negative, I suppose it could be said I had a pretty open … Continue reading On Noah’s Ark →

Bible Stories For Today’s Youth – Noah’s Ark

read also: Bible Stories For Today's Youth - Christ's Nadir on the Cross Bible Stories For Today's Youth - Abraham & Isaac So one day God was all like, “Yo, Noah, this shit is fuckin whack now. Imma flood this bitch out and kill all these trifling hos.” So, like, Noah was all, “Dooood, that … Continue reading Bible Stories For Today’s Youth – Noah’s Ark →

Fleecing Weeaboos: The New Art of the Samurai

I was watching NHK World News a while back and came across a pretty sweet nugget. NHK is basically Japan's CBC, but with the suck turned way down. Their World News cable network is pretty good. They run through the same stories for ten or fifteen minutes on the hour, with full news broadcasts at … Continue reading Fleecing Weeaboos: The New Art of the Samurai →

Covid Work Diaries

So I'm having a zoom English lesson today. Me in a room by myself at a laptop. Somewhere around eight or nine kids, between the ages of two and seven, in three separate households are participating in this thing. Forty minutes, I have to fill. So this is my life now. Okay. Let's get it … Continue reading Covid Work Diaries →

Bible Stories For Today’s Youth – Abraham & Isaac

read also: Bible Stories For Today's Youth - Noah's Ark Bible Stories For Today's Youth - Christ's Nadir on the Cross So one day God creeps up on Abraham and is all like, “Yo, slut! Here I am! Guess what, bitch?” And Abraham was straight freaking, but he was still all like, “I don't know, … Continue reading Bible Stories For Today’s Youth – Abraham & Isaac →