End Times

If we all discovered that the world was going to end in 24 hours (say because a meteor was coming, or the President of the United States had a bad prostate exam), I think there would be a lot of men who’d be like:

“Well, that’s it! I’m emptying the kids’ college funds and blowing it all on hookers!”

And then the hookers would be:

“What the fuck, doods? We all have one day left to live and you think I’m gonna spend it blowing you for money? Get fucked! Somewhere else, I mean. Scoot!”

And the hookers would be right. Those men should have got a bottle of scotch, baked a cake, and sweet talked their wife.

Good luck getting her to blow you now, buddy. There you are, all ruddy with unpleasant lust, clutching your useless money like an asshole.

Ending your time on Earth pretty much the same way you lived it.

This right here, my friends, highlights the fundamental flaws of capitalism.

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