On Fucking, Animals or Otherwise

By Balls Malone I would like to clarify that when I talk about fucking animals, it is a purely hypothetical scenario I'm envisioning. It's a campfire chitchat goof, like “what superpower would you like to have?” (you know mine), or “if you could only kill one Backstreet Boys member with an icepick, which one would … Continue reading On Fucking, Animals or Otherwise

The Story of Big Bob

by Balls Malone Big Bob had the silkiest anus in the village. It was big too. Like a bisected grapefruit. There might have been bigger anuses around, but none were so silky as Bob's. That was something everyone could agree upon. Big, red, and silky; that was Bob. Bob didn't rest on his laurels, though. … Continue reading The Story of Big Bob

I'm sure it's no picnic being blind, but at least you must be able to save a lot of money on prostitutes! Just get an ugly one; it's not like you'll notice the difference. The ugly ones usually have a stronger work ethic, too. Win, win! -Balls Malone  

The Anusrasiertleckenman

by Balls Malone In the olden days of the Bavarian Alps, folk would whisper of the Anusrasiertleckenman. As the story goes, on the vernal equinox if you slept out of doors or in a barn or shed, the Anusrasiertleckenman would visit you. Wearing only undersized lederhosen, the Anusrasiertleckenman appeared in the form of a small, … Continue reading The Anusrasiertleckenman