I’ll Give Em a Jolly Rodger

by Balls Malone If I was a pirate captain in the days of yore, I would name my ship “Forcible Sodomy.” However, I'd only sodomize the captives that looked disappointed when I told them the name is strictly metaphorical. And even then I'd be gentle and use lots and lots of whatever was the best … Continue reading I’ll Give Em a Jolly Rodger

Enough is Enough With This Guy

by Balls Malone Okay, you know what? Fuck you, Quaker Oats Man! Fuck you and your little self-satisfied, twinkle-eyed, shit-eating smirk. Fuck your stupid neckerchief and your puffy, dandy hair, you goddamned chubby-cheeked sack of shit. What are you anyway, some kind of nineteenth century pimp? Don’t fuck your hat, though. I’ll give you this … Continue reading Enough is Enough With This Guy

The Cowboy

by Balls Malone The Cowboy looked down from atop his magnificent steed at the pretty young woman and the three rough looking men who surrounded her. “Trouble Sally?” he asked in his smooth baritone. “Jaundice, these men are–” Sally started before she was interrupted as one of the men stepped behind her, clamped his hand … Continue reading The Cowboy