By Balls Malone I would like to clarify that when I talk about fucking animals, it is a purely hypothetical scenario I'm envisioning. It's a campfire chitchat goof, like “what superpower would you like to have?” (you know mine), or “if you could only kill one Backstreet Boys member with an icepick, which one would … Continue reading On Fucking, Animals or Otherwise
Tag: Balls Malone
Superpower
by Balls Malone If I could have one superpower it would be to be able to transcend space and time to have three-ways with Queen Elizabeth II and Betty White in 1945. More specifically, that all three of us rendezvous in a suitably groovy trans-dimensional place, with them being their respective ages from that year. … Continue reading Superpower
The worst part of waking up with a corpse and a hangover is forever wondering if they died before or after you fucked them.Balls Malone
Taints on Ice
By Balls Malone When you think about it, figure skating is really based on who is able to showcase their taint in the most grandiose way. I suppose you don’t have to think about it this way, but it makes it a lot more entertaining. Particularly when you’re watching in Japan and don’t really understand … Continue reading Taints on Ice
"Do your best. Get out there, fuck today in the ass, and cut its throat." - Balls Malone
The Story of Big Bob
by Balls Malone Big Bob had the silkiest anus in the village. It was big too. Like a bisected grapefruit. There might have been bigger anuses around, but none were so silky as Bob's. That was something everyone could agree upon. Big, red, and silky; that was Bob. Bob didn't rest on his laurels, though. … Continue reading The Story of Big Bob
Road Trip
by Balls Malone After about an hour of driving she had one of her episodes where she compulsively needed semen. Happy to oblige, I pulled over and she blew me. For all her enthusiasm, she was never very good at head. It was like she was attacking it; little animalistic grunts with manic, jerky motions. … Continue reading Road Trip
I'm sure it's no picnic being blind, but at least you must be able to save a lot of money on prostitutes! Just get an ugly one; it's not like you'll notice the difference. The ugly ones usually have a stronger work ethic, too. Win, win! -Balls Malone
Most people would think that shitting yourself while getting a blowjob on an expensive sofa is a bad thing. But, depending on whose wife and sofa it is, it can really be the icing on the cake. -Balls Malone
The Anusrasiertleckenman
by Balls Malone In the olden days of the Bavarian Alps, folk would whisper of the Anusrasiertleckenman. As the story goes, on the vernal equinox if you slept out of doors or in a barn or shed, the Anusrasiertleckenman would visit you. Wearing only undersized lederhosen, the Anusrasiertleckenman appeared in the form of a small, … Continue reading The Anusrasiertleckenman
Muse Vassal 