This is no joke, you fuckers. Not everyone is lucky enough to have an anus. Think on that when you’re knuckling into yours after a some sweet itch. Cherish it! When you have one of them scratchy poops that hurts so good, you need to really be in that moment and treasure every last nuance … Continue reading Cherish Your Anus
Tag: Anecdotes
On Noah’s Ark
I have an itch to stick with this whole Noah's Arc thing, since the story had a lot to do with me repudiating Christianity at a fairly young age. Having never received any religious indoctrination from my parents or grandparents, either positive or negative, I suppose it could be said I had a pretty open … Continue reading On Noah’s Ark
Marley’s Discovery of Imagination
When I was eighteen, fresh out of high school in 1994, I got a job working at a full-service gas station and automotive shop. Overall, it was a great job for a young man and the lessons I learned there (up to, and including, how to potentially get away with murder) have generally served me … Continue reading Marley’s Discovery of Imagination
Body Rapping With Aiden
When I was about eight or nine years old I befriended Aiden, a small kid a year younger than me who lived nearby. Aiden was an only child with a single mom, and I guess he had things pretty rough. His mom was always working, so Aiden was by himself a lot. However, the big … Continue reading Body Rapping With Aiden
Cunt
Back in the day, I worked as a pump jockey in a 24 hour full-service gas station. I worked with a pair of brothers who lived together for years in an odd and vaguely incestuous way. I became pretty close friends with the younger of the two, Travis. Eventually, the elder of the two, Marley, … Continue reading Cunt
On Tough Guys
I was terrorized by so-called tough guys for much of my younger life. In my elementary school days, it was not a problem. I was with the same kids right from first grade. I had my little circle, and my idiosyncrasies were accepted by my classmates. But I was in a French immersion elementary program … Continue reading On Tough Guys
Ikea Ball Pit
Like so many, when I was a kid I really, really loved the ball room at Ikea. It was a special, magical world; so tactile, lurid, and fuckin fun! I believe I was four years old the last time I went into one. It was a formative experience for me. Now, the time before my … Continue reading Ikea Ball Pit
Fun at the Gas Station
In the full-service gas station and automotive shop where I worked for ten years, we had the “Go Fuck Yourself” game. How you played was: you waited until a coworker was completely engrossed in a difficult task that was obviously pissing them off. Then, from a nice safe distance, you call out their name, like … Continue reading Fun at the Gas Station
Recorder
One of my favorite memories from childhood concerns recorder class in grade five. Of course, I really hated recorder lessons. Shrill noises bother me, and every kid knows the recorder is a bullshit instrument. There are no recorder bands, recorders in the orchestra, or recorder player superstars. This is one of those, “hey kids! This … Continue reading Recorder
Hitchhiking
by Balls Malone She'd have been a very big woman even if she weren't fat, and she and Mr. Christie had definitely been around the block more than once. She lay there, like a manatee in a Walmart negligee and then slowly, teasingly, pulled her knees wide open. Her cunt was huge, shaved, and wet. … Continue reading Hitchhiking
Muse Vassal 