I would like to start this piece with a one man play entitled:“Using Facebook.” Me: “Hmm, lets see what’s going on in Facebook.” Me, literally ten seconds later and three swipes into my feed: “I immediately regret this decision! What the fuck is wrong with you fucking people? How could I know this many stupid … Continue reading Dueling Echo Chambers
Taints on Ice
By Balls Malone When you think about it, figure skating is really based on who is able to showcase their taint in the most grandiose way. I suppose you don’t have to think about it this way, but it makes it a lot more entertaining. Particularly when you’re watching in Japan and don’t really understand … Continue reading Taints on Ice
End Times
If we all discovered that the world was going to end in 24 hours (say because a meteor was coming, or the President of the United States had a bad prostate exam), I think there would be a lot of men who’d be like:“Well, that’s it! I’m emptying the kids’ college funds and blowing it … Continue reading End Times
Create
It’s like a coin. You can’t have one face without the other. As much as you might love looking at heads, sooner or later tails is going to turn up. On the one side there’s the marvelous exhilaration of the creative burst after a long period of inactivity. The satisfaction of solving a problem that … Continue reading Create
Bad Dream
Had a bad dream a few nights ago. In it, my companion and I were fugitives trying to get to safety through a convoluted mess of urban landscapes. My companion was a woman who never did anything useful, but comforted me with her mere presence as she followed me about. We finally got into the … Continue reading Bad Dream
Cherish Your Anus
This is no joke, you fuckers. Not everyone is lucky enough to have an anus. Think on that when you’re knuckling into yours after a some sweet itch. Cherish it! When you have one of them scratchy poops that hurts so good, you need to really be in that moment and treasure every last nuance … Continue reading Cherish Your Anus
Star Wars Fan Fiction
It was not long after Senator Palpatine declared himself Emperor that he took his revenge on Jar Jar Binks. It was but a simple matter to force persuade Jar Jar into performing the most degrading acts imaginable on him right in the senate for all to see. What better to way to end democracy in … Continue reading Star Wars Fan Fiction
WTF, Luke?
Just watched Return of the Jedi again. It has its moments. However, I have to say the “there’s good in him, I feel it,” theme that runs through those movies about Darth Vader / Anakin Skywalker is some real bullshit. I mean, what the fuck, Luke? That’s your answer, is it? Fall back on the … Continue reading WTF, Luke?
On Noah’s Ark
I have an itch to stick with this whole Noah's Arc thing, since the story had a lot to do with me repudiating Christianity at a fairly young age. Having never received any religious indoctrination from my parents or grandparents, either positive or negative, I suppose it could be said I had a pretty open … Continue reading On Noah’s Ark
Bible Stories For Today’s Youth – Noah’s Ark
read also: Bible Stories For Today's Youth - Christ's Nadir on the Cross Bible Stories For Today's Youth - Abraham & Isaac So one day God was all like, “Yo, Noah, this shit is fuckin whack now. Imma flood this bitch out and kill all these trifling hos.” So, like, Noah was all, “Dooood, that … Continue reading Bible Stories For Today’s Youth – Noah’s Ark
Muse Vassal 