Party Time

One time I was at a little backyard fire pit party thrown by this Japanese pot fiend in Vancouver. One of the guests was a Russian pseudo-gangster (maybe a real G, it’s hard to tell sometimes). The Japanese guy was friends with the Russian because he couldn’t understand what a total douche the guy was, due to language barriers and other cultural interference.

After some time, the Russian decided the wee party was lame and he stood up to go. He announced: “Any bitches wanna give me a blowjob for $50 before I go?”

I was so high that I got my subject and object mixed up in his sentence’s meaning. I thought he was offering to give someone a blowjob and pay them fifty bucks.

“Wow!” I thought, “this dood’s a lot cooler than I thought!” Then, I almost put my hand up for the blowjob. I realized just in time that I didn’t want a blowjob from the Russian gangsterling. I started laughing really, really hard because I thought it was so funny that I almost volunteered to get blown by this guy. At this point, I still really believed that he was offering to pay a guy at the party $50 to let him blow them. (In my own defence here, I have been to plenty of parties where that kind of deal would definitely not be offside.)

I kept killing myself laughing, and I guess this defused some of the tension everyone was feeling. I suppose they all thought I was laughing at the Russian. The guy left without saying much else.

It took me until much later on in the night to realize that the guy was actually propositioning the women at the party. I did wonder what they must’ve thought about my amusement, but it can’t have been too negative, since they were awfully friendly towards me. One cute hippy girl almost half my age kept pressing her tits into me for the rest of the night. I’m married, so I didn’t let that go anywhere. But the attention was nice, as were her tits. I just let her do her thing as I kept rolling blunts for that Japanese cat. Man, did he ever have some heavy shit.

It was a good night.

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