I’ve never fit.
I never had a sense that I was going to be anything other than wasted potential in the eyes of anyone that matters in this world. That I would ever have a chance to become anything. That there would ever be a place for me.
It was always made abundantly clear to me that I will never belong anywhere.
This is why I prefer living in Asia. Already an other here, I can be more myself.
Here there are clear ethnic, cultural, and linguistic reasons for my lack of belonging. Here my dislocation from everything around me can be camouflaged in practicalities, and I feel altogether less alien than I do in my parent culture. It’s not any less lonely, but it is a lot less alienating. Since belonging isn’t an option, I don’t have to worry about why I don’t.
Not a fix for everyone, sure, but it works for me. And am I supposed to be selling road maps here?