Category: Blog

Dislocated

I've never fit. I never had a sense that I was going to be anything other than wasted potential in the eyes of anyone that matters in this world. That I would ever have a chance to become anything. That there would ever be a place for me. It was always made abundantly clear to … Continue reading Dislocated →

mantis

how to die With a beautiful woman in a luxury high-rise hotel room overlooking a metropolis. She gets me high. Bathes me. Pleasures me until there’s nothing left to be done. When we’re finished, when I can’t manage another act, and I’m lying inside her in a fog of post-coital delirium, she cuts my throat … Continue reading mantis →

Listening For Our Voice

When thinking of our personal growth, it is important to realize that no one ever really changes who they are. At best, we simply learn to mitigate our extremes and soften the rougher edges. If anything, as we age and learn more about ourselves, by concentrating on healing and living a life that is right … Continue reading Listening For Our Voice →

Guilt Free Diamonds At Last!

We here at Congo Genocide Diamond Company know that it is important for you to pretend that ethics and morality matter, so we are proud to announce that we are now selling Blood Free Diamonds.™ Our Blood Free Diamonds™ are guaranteed conflict free and are available in most shops right next to our fine assortment … Continue reading Guilt Free Diamonds At Last! →

Turd Tornado

This morning, in her truncated press scolding, Sarah Huckabee Sanders read the following statement: "I can assure the American people that, fake news to the contrary, there are no velociraptors roaming free within the halls of the White House or the Capitol. "I might add, that even if there were such dinosaurs roaming free and … Continue reading Turd Tornado →

On Work

Okay, kids! Let's talk about work. Many people have already told you that you can do anything you set your mind to so long as you work hard at it. While this is completely untrue, it is important for you to believe it. However, when bandying this platitude about, what most people don't tend to … Continue reading On Work →

Puffy Reenactment

I like how historical military reenactors are completely obsessive about getting every detail of their kit right but then don't bother to lose weight. I'm sure there were a couple of portly Confederate soldiers in the American Civil War, but modern reenactments looks like they're put together by a balloon animal artist.

Inspirational Advice

Okay, what the hell is going on with these images of inspirational positivity sayings that switch font every few words? The whole point of the piece is to foster some kind of mental health in people, which is laudable, yet they present themselves in the most schizophrenic way possible. If the block of text were … Continue reading Inspirational Advice →

Friendship

You know that feeling when someone you care about suddenly comes out with a really obnoxious, pseudo-political opinion that you know they picked up from some toxic talk radio host, or a co-worker they spend too much time with; and they just won't shut up about it because they want to have an argument; and … Continue reading Friendship →