I’m sure it’s no picnic being blind, but at least you must be able to save a lot of money on prostitutes! Just get an ugly one; it’s not like you’ll notice the difference. The ugly ones usually have a stronger work ethic, too. Win, win!
-Balls Malone
Most people would think that shitting yourself while getting a blowjob on an expensive sofa is a bad thing. But, depending on whose wife and sofa it is, it can really be the icing on the cake.
-Balls Malone
In the bathroom cubicle of life, it’s sometimes tough to know what side of the gloryhole you’re on.
-Balls Malone
There are very few problems in life that can’t be solved by a nice, well executed murder. Or two.
“Sometimes I’ll get a whole finger up my ass before I realize what I’m doing. Then I’m like: Goddamnit, this dollar store doesn’t even have a bathroom.”
