Category: Uncategorized

fear

You know, I’ve locked eyes with killers in dark places. Been sure I was a heartbeat away from oblivion more times than I care to remember. Surrendered to those I was sure would do me harm. But my baby girl, an infant with eyes of deep, plain truth, sometimes gives me a look that scares … Continue reading fear →

Fun at the Gas Station

In the full-service gas station and automotive shop where I worked for ten years, we had the “Go Fuck Yourself” game. How you played was: you waited until a coworker was completely engrossed in a difficult task that was obviously pissing them off. Then, from a nice safe distance, you call out their name, like … Continue reading Fun at the Gas Station →

I’ll Give Em a Jolly Rodger

by Balls Malone If I was a pirate captain in the days of yore, I would name my ship “Forcible Sodomy.” However, I'd only sodomize the captives that looked disappointed when I told them the name is strictly metaphorical. And even then I'd be gentle and use lots and lots of whatever was the best … Continue reading I’ll Give Em a Jolly Rodger →

Settled

Sometimes I sit transfixed, consumed by conflicting feelings. A great doom approaches. Everything is as it should be. These notions fight; seeking an equilibrium with each other, and I am disturbed by their struggle. Yet I have come to realize, to sense, that these are not conflicting notions. A great doom approaches, and this is … Continue reading Settled →

Ice Sculpture Maintenance and the Married Man

I continue to see these statistics thrown around about the gendered division of household labor; how women are still doing more than their fare share of housework. This is always presented in some direct or oblique way as confirmation of that most nebulous of boogeymen: The Patriarchy. Now, as a man who has consistently done … Continue reading Ice Sculpture Maintenance and the Married Man →

Recorder

One of my favorite memories from childhood concerns recorder class in grade five. Of course, I really hated recorder lessons. Shrill noises bother me, and every kid knows the recorder is a bullshit instrument. There are no recorder bands, recorders in the orchestra, or recorder player superstars. This is one of those, “hey kids! This … Continue reading Recorder →

Enough is Enough With This Guy

by Balls Malone Okay, you know what? Fuck you, Quaker Oats Man! Fuck you and your little self-satisfied, twinkle-eyed, shit-eating smirk. Fuck your stupid neckerchief and your puffy, dandy hair, you goddamned chubby-cheeked sack of shit. What are you anyway, some kind of nineteenth century pimp? Don’t fuck your hat, though. I’ll give you this … Continue reading Enough is Enough With This Guy →

The Spider’s Web

Spider perches and lets slip a filament in the breeze. A strand of her web floating free. In search of an anchor. Where it lands, a spin of chance. The spider pulls her line taught and begins construction. Knowing only that a foundation has been found; she builds her web. She waits to learn that … Continue reading The Spider’s Web →