On the job I combine highly professional and skilled work with aggressive and horrifyingly repulsive guerrilla flatulence.
Category: Uncategorized
Sex Troubles
I am a bona fide expert at fucking up opportunities for sex. (Believe it or not, I have had them over the years.) Whatever I have going on, it must work for women in that initial attraction stage, because since high school I've very rarely been turned down when I've asked a woman out. At … Continue reading Sex Troubles
When you're in someone's house for the first time and you see they own a set of bongos, it's very much like finding an improperly stored firearm: this person is trouble.
Pick a Side
Pick a side. Doesn't matter which; it is about as relevant as the name on a concert t-shirt. The important thing is that you have a brand to engage your tribalism with. Now that you know what side you're on, it's time to go hunting! Get out there and scour the web for the stupidest, … Continue reading Pick a Side
nightmare
Party Time With Permanent T-Shirt Decal Enthusiasts
Party Goers: *Start talking about their tattoos* Me: “Oh look, there’s dip over there. I’ll be right back.” (I’m not coming back.) THE END
In Other News, Water Remains Wet
Oh, what's this? There's been another mass shooting in the United States? Well, of course there has. Winnipeg is cold. Okinawa gets typhoons. America has mass shootings. Anyone who knows Japan at all knows that Okinawa gets typhoons. It's a given. On a long enough time scale there will certainly be another one along. The … Continue reading In Other News, Water Remains Wet
my condition
Blurred Lines
In social media the user is simultaneously the consumer and the product; just as we are both the audience and performer. It does not end there, though. In this modern economy of commodified outrage, the offended are so often offensive in turn. It's a cycle that self-perpetuates and enriches the host of the arena. Free … Continue reading Blurred Lines
Is getting offended about people being offended a satirical critique of the blurring of the subject/object lines in our social media worlds, or are some people just unconscious dickheads with no capacity for self-reflection?
Muse Vassal 