Olde time Yuletide days of yore ride up in me pantaloons! bung up me fundament! Oh pour me some gravy and I’ll throttle me colon with turkey.
Category: Uncategorized
Turd Tornado
This morning, in her truncated press scolding, Sarah Huckabee Sanders read the following statement: "I can assure the American people that, fake news to the contrary, there are no velociraptors roaming free within the halls of the White House or the Capitol. "I might add, that even if there were such dinosaurs roaming free and … Continue reading Turd Tornado
Band Name
Now, "Manic Street Preachers" is an awesome band name, don’t get me wrong. But the first time I heard the band on the radio, I misheard the name and spent a couple of days thinking it was, “Manic Tree Creatures.” I’ve never been entirely able to shake the disappointment that it isn’t their actual name. … Continue reading Band Name
internet love story
Paris
They called her, The Crimson Poonani. Me: Grande Poubelle. Together we saved Paris. Or, rather, the part of it that mattered. It's dead now anyway, killed by its own excesses. Much like our love.
On Work
Okay, kids! Let's talk about work. Many people have already told you that you can do anything you set your mind to so long as you work hard at it. While this is completely untrue, it is important for you to believe it. However, when bandying this platitude about, what most people don't tend to … Continue reading On Work
Puffy Reenactment
I like how historical military reenactors are completely obsessive about getting every detail of their kit right but then don't bother to lose weight. I'm sure there were a couple of portly Confederate soldiers in the American Civil War, but modern reenactments looks like they're put together by a balloon animal artist.
a cold walk
Inspirational Advice
Okay, what the hell is going on with these images of inspirational positivity sayings that switch font every few words? The whole point of the piece is to foster some kind of mental health in people, which is laudable, yet they present themselves in the most schizophrenic way possible. If the block of text were … Continue reading Inspirational Advice
The Anusrasiertleckenman
by Balls Malone In the olden days of the Bavarian Alps, folk would whisper of the Anusrasiertleckenman. As the story goes, on the vernal equinox if you slept out of doors or in a barn or shed, the Anusrasiertleckenman would visit you. Wearing only undersized lederhosen, the Anusrasiertleckenman appeared in the form of a small, … Continue reading The Anusrasiertleckenman
Muse Vassal 