Turd Tornado

This morning, in her truncated press scolding, Sarah Huckabee Sanders read the following statement:

“I can assure the American people that, fake news to the contrary, there are no velociraptors roaming free within the halls of the White House or the Capitol.

“I might add, that even if there were such dinosaurs roaming free and consuming members of government at their leisure, this in no way should be regarded as anything but a failure of the Democrats.”

Following this, the White House Press Secretary exited the briefing room with more than her usual haste and could be overheard muttering something about how, “it’s always the wrong ones that done get et.”

Band Name

Now, “Manic Street Preachers” is an awesome band name, don’t get me wrong. But the first time I heard the band on the radio, I misheard the name and spent a couple of days thinking it was, “Manic Tree Creatures.”

I’ve never been entirely able to shake the disappointment that it isn’t their actual name.

However, this means that “Manic Tree Creatures” is up for grabs as a potential band name. Feel free to use it, because I have already decided on my future band’s name:

“Embryonic Yak.”

Our first album will be called, “Dreams of an Embryonic Yak.”

I know! Don’t injure yourselves, ladies, in a rush to throw your panties on my stage; there’s room enough for all of them.

On Work

Okay, kids! Let’s talk about work.

Many people have already told you that you can do anything you set your mind to so long as you work hard at it. While this is completely untrue, it is important for you to believe it. However, when bandying this platitude about, what most people don’t tend to think about is: “What is work?”

This is not a simple question. How you choose to define the word makes all the difference in the world.

To be successful, one has to stop regarding work as being the expenditure of time and energy. It isn’t.

As to your time: if you sit staring at your phone in front of an open textbook for four hours, you haven’t studied. This should be obvious. The faster you lose the childish notion that the appearance of work is as good as the real thing, the quicker you will start to achieve your goals. When you get out into the world, your boss and coworkers are not substitutions for your parents. They have no reason to keep you around other than your output of real work. This is not an economy for slackers.

As to your energy: this is more in regards to your own personal goals. Once we’ve figured out not to waste our time, a lot of people make the mistake of believing that expending a lot of energy is working hard. This is the mentality of a wage slave. “Boss told me to move this pile of heavy shit over there and it took me eight hours and was really hard. Boy I did a lot of work today!” This is fine if earning a wage and getting physically strong is your personal goal at that point of your life. If that’s your outlook, then you did do a lot of good work. However, if your goal is to write a screenplay, and you go home too tired to do shit except eat dinner, have a wank, and go to bed, then you didn’t do shit. When your energy output is running counter to your goals, it’s time to change one of them.

Work ought to be viewed as productive output in pursuit of a clearly defined goal. This is not to say that you won’t have to take some shitty job to pay the bills. But even when we do get stuck doing this, how we approach this work means the world. Are you just putting your time in like a pylon, or are you learning new skills? If you have to clean toilets, then at very least learn the best way to do that. Cultivating a work ethic, learning people skills and how businesses work from the ground up, and impressing people that might offer you a slightly less shitty job: these are all admirable work goals in a shitty job.

Developing skills and good habits is never a waste of energy. Wherever you wind up, just make sure you aren’t spinning your wheels; or, worse yet, sitting idling in a garage of your own making.

Puffy Reenactment

I like how historical military reenactors are completely obsessive about getting every detail of their kit right but then don’t bother to lose weight.

I’m sure there were a couple of portly Confederate soldiers in the American Civil War, but modern reenactments looks like they’re put together by a balloon animal artist.

Inspirational Advice

Okay, what the hell is going on with these images of inspirational positivity sayings that switch font every few words? The whole point of the piece is to foster some kind of mental health in people, which is laudable, yet they present themselves in the most schizophrenic way possible.

If the block of text were a person, it would have no idea who it is trying to be. Are you a cowboy? A French duke? An early twentieth-century medicine label? A kindergarten teacher? What is going on with you?

You need to take a moment and settle down, friend. Marshal all your conflicting impulses and present the world a united front. Stick to one costume at a time, because this mixing them all together at the same time is a mess.