With the gates closed and the men fully kitted up for combat, it was time to take Thad Swallowtail to see Brother Barrelmender at the church. Just as Peep had predicted, Thad was eager to go and caused no trouble. Lisbet, the eldest of the women with him, was increasingly terrified, but the three vixens were able to soothe her just enough to keep her from becoming a disruption.
With Choke and Knuckle leading the way, Peep walked with Thad to the church. Thad’s four women walked just behind, with the three vixens clustered around Lisbet. Pinch was just behind them, leading his squad along with Corporal Osgar and Knuckle’s men. Another five men came along to be sent to reinforce the south gate. Shane took up the rear with his bow in hand.
The townsfolk who had gathered to watch followed along behind the soldiers. They were quiet and tense.
At the town square Brother Barrelmender was standing on the church steps with his staff in hand. With him were about a dozen of the regular church attendees. The merchants and their folk were all clustered out in front of the tavern and general store. Barrelmender scowled at the procession as it entered the square. When he realized who Thad was, Barrelmender flared up, twirling his staff into a quarterstaff grip in his left hand. His right hand reflexively gripped the black iron Wheel around his neck. Without taking his eyes off Thad, Barrelmender said something to one of the women near him. She hurried into the church.
An expectant hush fell across the square as Choke led the procession right to its center. He stopped and turned back to Peep and Thad, gesturing to her that she should hold there.
“Just a moment, Thad,” Choke said. “Please allow me to deal with my men before I introduce you properly to Brother Barrelmender.”
“Yeah! Alright! You do you, Lieutenant. And that is so you! Alright? Alright! Yeah!”
Having earned a double thumbs-up from Thad, Choke moved around to Pinch and Corporal Osgar.
“Corporal,” Choke said to Osgar, his voice quiet. “You hold here with your and Sergeant Nikolas’ men. We will be in the church, I expect. If anything happens out here, come and get us.”
“Yes, sir.”
Choke turned to the extra men that had come with them:
“You five go to the south gate. Tell them what is happening. They are to keep the gate closed. No one is to leave town. But open the gate for any townsfolk that want to come in. If you see any strangers, ring the alarm. Understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Go now.”
The men hurried through the town square heading for the south gate. As Choke joined Peep and Thad, the woman Barrelmender had sent into the church returned with his longsword on its weaponbelt. He said something more to her and she went back into the church.
Brother Barrelmender strapped on his weaponbelt overtop of his black monk’s robes. With the longsword now on his left hip, he girded his loins by tying his robes up around his thighs. The whole time, he stared straight at Thad. Once he was set, Barrelmender brought his staff down on the step next to his foot with a solid thump and nodded to Choke.
“Thad Swallowtail. This way, please,” Choke said, gesturing for Thad to move up to the church steps.
Barrelmender remained on the top step, staring down at them. Thad, Choke, and Peep stopped just short of the bottom step and looked up at him. Behind Barrelmender, the woman came back out of the church, bringing with her two elderly women who must have been still praying inside.
The townspeople in the square had moved to the edges of the square and were eerily silent as the parishioners on the church steps joined them. Thad was standing tall, wicker box still in hand, looking up at Barrelmender with an expectant smile. Peep was standing back of his left hip, her right hand on her knife. Choke was a stride back from Thad’s right with his hand on his sword hilt. The three vixens were just behind Thad, still comforting Lisbet, who had almost become hysterical at the sight of the church. Behind Thad’s women were Knuckle, Pinch, and Shane. Corporal Osgar had spread his ten men out behind them.
“Brother Barrelmender,” Choke said, his voice loud, “this is Thad Swallowtail. Thad, this is Brother Barrelmender of the Brothers of the Holy Stone.”
“Far out! Hey, brother dood! Are you ready to heal this place and send evil packing with our beautiful, blissful pleasure? Alright? Alright! Yeah!” Thad exclaimed joyously, throwing his right arm up high with the box in the crook of his left.
There was no doubt in Thad. No trepidation. Completely confident in his mission, he was manifesting his destiny.
Barrelmender stared down at Thad for a while. Thad continued to beam up at him. Barrelmender looked over the four women behind Thad. When he met Peep’s eye, she gave a little shrug, almost embarrassed, as though Thad was her personal guest that she had inflicted on everyone.
“I see,” Barrelmender said. “Well, I suppose we should move this into the church. Is that acceptable to you, Mr Swallowtail?”
“For sure, brother dood! Alright! Yeah! Let’s shine the cleansing light of Altas into this place! Yeah! Come on, everyone!”
Thad pumped a thumbs-up into the air above him and jogged up the stairs. Peep stayed right by his side and came up with him. As the two ascended, Choke met Barrelmender’s eye and, with just a head gesture towards Thad’s women, inquired if they should be brought in as well. Barrelmender thought for just a second and nodded affirmatively. However, when Thad and Peep reached the top step with Barrelmender, Thad stopped and turned to face Barrelmender, clearly intent on some manner of performance. Barrelmender took half a step back to square himself to Thad, and held up a hand to Choke to hold him and the rest where they were.
“Hey there heavy brother dood! Alright! Yeah! You look like you need some of Altas’ love for sure! Alright? Yeah! It’s so wonderful to finally meet you after all this time. Here, brother dood, I think this is for you?”
Thad held out the wicker box towards Barrelmender as his first doubt reached him. His features clouded in confusion and he stared down at the gift in his hands.
Peep barked a short laugh.
“No, Thad, that aint for him. Remember? That was for the Lieutenant’s wedding. But, now that ye mention it, I guess it actually kinda is for the Brother, after all. Bringing it was something else that you probably came up with all by yourself with Diya’s support,” Peep said, meeting Barrelmender’s eye significantly.
“No doubt? Yeah! Far out!”
“Why don’t I hold onto it for ye for now?” Peep suggestion.
“Sure thing, Little Wolf. Alright! Yeah!” Thad exclaimed happily as he handed the box over to Peep.
Thad then turned away from Barrelmender and faced the square, throwing both arms up in the air. He upturned his face towards the sun with rapture.
“Oh! Yeah! Altas! Heavenly Father! Fill us up with your love!”
Thad dropped his arms and swept his gaze over all the folk in the square. As he did, Barrelmender tensed and changed his grip on his staff, clearly contemplating assaulting Thad. He changed his mind, though, as he glanced at the people in the square and was able to immediately see their displeasure and hostility towards Thad.
Barrelmender chose to let Thad address the square.
“Hey everyone! It’s the Sun! It’s Altas! His love is bathing us! Can’t you feel that? It’s like warm honey butter splashing down all over us! So yummy! A love shower from Daddy Altas! Let’s all take it in and cleanse ourselves of these heavy vibrations of negativity and competition! We’re all beautiful beings of light and love if we just let it flow into us and through us and out of us into each other. Like flowers and bees and men and women and whatever. It’s all love, man! And we can heal each other with it! Let’s all go inside and sing! Let’s fill that church with light and love like it’s never been filled up before! Fill it right up! Alright? Alright! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Come on! Let’s go!”
Thad jumped up and down, pumping both his fists into the air. He turned to the church, waving for the adoring crowd to follow him inside. In his mind, they were.
Thad’s women were right behind him. The three vixens squealed orgasmically and flew up the steps and into the church on Thad’s heels. Lisbet, too, was caught up in Thad’s performance, and was right with her three younger counterparts. She now knew that Thad’s notions of Altas’ love would win the day for them. He would be the hero of this place. She had been wrong to doubt him. Thad would show everyone. He would win here. And his victory would be the vindication of her blind support of him, her husband, through everything over all the years.
The dark portal of the church’s open double doors swallowed up Thad and his four women. Everyone else in attendance stood stunned, watching them go. No one moved for seconds.
Song began to emanate from the church. It was a traditional hymn, “Turn Thy Heart to Altas,” sung beautifully by the women. Their voices were lovely, and they harmonized perfectly.
His face grim, Barrelmender gestured for Choke to join him and Peep at the top of the church steps. Choke, Knuckle, Pinch, and Shane did so. Barrelmender closed his eyes and gripped his Wheel holy symbol as he murmured a soft prayer to himself. Then he squared his shoulders and led the way into his church.
“Shut the doors,” Barrelmender said as they crossed the threshold.
Knuckle and Pinch did so, swinging the heavy, iron-bound wooden doors shut behind them.
Barrelmender paused in the church narthex to stare at his adversary. Thad was standing at the pulpit, facing the doors. His arms were held high with palms upraised, and his head was thrown back as though he was basking in divine light. He swayed back and forth with the music. His four women were side by side on their knees before him, backs straight and heads raised, singing loudly up at him.
Barrelmender looked away from Thad and to his people. He frowned at Shane briefly before nodding.
“Ah, yes, the Baron’s scout. Good. Keep watch on the square here,” Barrelmender gestured to the tall slit windows to either side of the entrance.
Shane nodded and stepped to his post.
“You,” Barrelmender said to Pinch. “Quietly. Down the side and into the kitchen. Bar the outside door. Then take up position at the door into the kitchen, but leave it open. Alert us if you hear anything to the rear.”
“Yes, Brother,” Pinch said before quietly moving down the right aisle towards the kitchen.
“You three with me,” Barrelmender said quietly to Peep, Choke, and Knuckle. “If this breaks violent, take them alive if at all possible. Remember that Swallowtail is most likely a profane spellcaster. If he begins to cast a spell, I will initiate the attack to disrupt the spell. Otilla: when I do, stab him in his legs. You two,” he gestured to Choke and Knuckle, “get control of his women. Clear them away. If they do not submit immediately, pummel them.”
“Yes, Brother.”
“Good. With me now,” Barrelmender said. He walked down the center aisle to the front of the nave. There, he stopped and brought his staff straight down with a heavy thump.
Thad’s quartette did not falter in their song. Thad smiled as he dropped his arms and opened his eyes. His face clouded in disappointment as he beheld the empty church behind Barrelmender.
“Hush now, my lovely honeys,” Thad said, much quieter than the singing.
Even so, the women stopped singing immediately. They stayed kneeling, their faces upturned towards Thad.
“Hey now, heavy brother dood. I thought the church was meant to be for everyone. Why are you shutting the people out? Let them in, brother dood. Let them into the light! Alright? Yeah!”
“I have shut no one out. They did not follow you in. You are alone here,” Barrelmender said, his voice steady and strong.
“Well, that’s just sad, my man. Alright? You’ve got them so tight in fear and hangup that they won’t even follow their hearts to be where they know it’s right. There’s room for everyone in the light; can’t you see that? Altas is for everyone! Alright? Yeah! Alright!”
“That may be. But we worship Stron here. As you well know. But I take it you are representing yourself as a priest of Altas here today. So how shall I address you? Father Swallowtail?”
“Oh, my dood! With the titles and the categories and the rules and the bands of iron choking. Just call me Thad, man! That’s what everyone calls me. Thad. I’m just Thad. Can’t you just be you? Without all the iron and heavy principle clamping you down. Who is it that’s really deep down inside you, my friend? What little you is inside, that the big you has been protecting? Let the light in to him! Let him out to play, man! Alright? Alright! Yeah!”
Barrelmender blinked slowly.
“Thad it is, then. What is your purpose here, Thad?”
“Alright man, you do you. I’m here as a gesture of goodwill so that we can come together and heal this place, my friend. We need to get everyone resonating on the same frequency, alright? So that our collective vibration doesn’t manifest this goblin fantasy that people are putting out there. Alright? Yeah! Alright!”
Barrelmender’s mouth dropped open. He stared at Thad. Thad beamed back at him.
“It’s not just that, though, right, Thad?” Peep interjected. “Ye also had some presents for us,” she raised up the wicker box towards him. “And, ye said ye had a message for us from Diya. I really wanna hear that. So maybe we should sit down together and start with that. Alright? Yeah! Alright!”
Peep gave Thad a big, cheerful thumbs-up.
“Yeah, I hear ye, Little Wolf! Wise beyond your whole deal, my dood! You have to start someplace, right? It’s like a massage. You don’t just dive right into the deep tissue work. You have to loosen up first. Stretch. Lubricate. Work that into all those tight places. Alright! Yeah! Let’s sit down and talk it out! Far out, man! Yeah!”
“Great! Yeah! Here guys, let’s set it up. Alright? Yeah! Alright!” Peep yelled cheerfully at Choke and Knuckle. She had them pull the front two pews around to face each other across the center aisle as they had been doing for their meetings.
“Good. Yes. Let’s sit down together and hear this important message from Thad. Marvelous,” Barrelmender said. He stepped to the side of the nearest pew and gestured for Thad to go to the opposite one.
“Yeah! Far out! Alright! Let’s sit down, my honeys. Everything is going great! Just wonderful! Thank you everyone for being so cool and generous with your time and space and attention. I feel so blessed! Alright! Yeah!”
Thad gave everyone there another beaming smile and double thumbs-up before taking his seat with his three women.
Muse Vassal 