table of contents – (spoilers)
Choke and Mariola were naked together, lying in his tent on his bedroll. The tent’s flap was open and they have a lovely little view of the woods. For the time being they had exhausted themselves and were taking their time to be together in an adjacent sort of intimacy. They could hear Nike nearby, leisurely grazing on his long lead. The sound of the horse blended well with the murmur of the forest and its busy creatures.
After Lenny’s hanging, beyond caring what anyone might make of it, Choke had gathered his tent and bedroll and tied them down on the back of Nike’s saddle,. He had ridden out the south gate and looped right around to the Bristlenook road to meet Mariola where Peep had told her to be. They had not gone far then, just a couple of hundred meters into the bush to a small clearing Mariola had found.
Mariola sighed and shifted around find a new, less sweaty patch of skin to press against Choke.
“I suppose we should be getting going soon,” she said wistfully.
“I suppose,” Choke replied after a while.
They lay together in silence for a good while longer.
“I’m really happy that I didn’t scare ye off, Choke,” Mariola eventually said, propping herself up on her elbow to look him in the eye while she fiddled with his hair.
“What? Scare me off? How? What are you talking about?” Choke exclaimed, looking at her like she was a lunatic.
Mariola laughed. “Well, I’m glad to see I had that all wrong. But, ye know, how I came on to ye. Gods, it was… just… Well, I understand that yar young and shy and afraid of setting a foot wrong, so I knew I had to make the first move or else ye were gonna take forever to do it. But when I think about how I went about it, I just wanna die. It’s so embarrassing!”
Choke continued to stare at her, still profoundly confused. “What are you talking about?” he finally asked.
“Well, ye know. All the, ‘oooo, baby, baby,’ shit. Terrible. It’s just that I meant what I said, about how we shouldn’t waste any time if the world’s coming to an end. And I’ve already had my whole world ripped up anyways. And I knew I had to make the first move with ye. But I was nervous and I’ve never had to do that before, so I just kinda did the whore thing with ye. Because, well… I guess… the devil ye know, right?”
“I… I’m sorry, Mariola. I don’t know what you are talking about. What do you mean, the whole whore thing?”
“Well, ye know. With what I… Oh no!” Mariola gasped, startling up. “Ye mean ye don’t know? She didn’t tell ye?”
“Who? Peep? No, she hasn’t told me anything about you. Not really. She basically said you weren’t like the other followers and you helped her with some business. You know, business in Spitzer that we can’t talk about. But that’s it,” Choke said, staring at Mariola with deep concern.
“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” Mariola moaned burying her face in her hands and rolling away from Choke.
“Look, it’s okay. Whatever it is. I don’t care. It’s not any of my business.”
“Well, I would like it to be!” Mariola snapped, raising up at him. “What the hell kinda thing is that to say to me right now?”
“Look, I don’t know! How am I supposed to know? This is all your thing here, isn’t it? What do you want me to say?”
“My thing? Altas’ cock, Choke! Really? I— oh no. Just, stop. Stop,” Mariolla said, sitting up and turning away from him.
“Stop what? I’m not doing anything,” Choke said, as bewildered as he ever had been in his life.
“Stop talking. Shut up. And that goes for me, too!”
They were silent for a while, then, him on his back and her sitting up with her lower back still pressed into his side.
“Look, I’m sorry, Choke. I panicked. I thought Peep woulda told ye about my past,” she said with her back still to him.
“Well, it’s—” Choke started.
“Shut up, I said. Look: I like ye. Whatever this is, it isn’t just something that don’t mean nothing to me. I like ye, and I like this, and I want ye to like me and want to be with me,” Mariola said, her voice quivering.
“I do. I do,” Choke said raising up to stroke Mariola’s back.
“I know that. So shut up and listen, would ye?”
“Okay, then. But why don’t you lie back down with me and tell me?” Choke said, reaching up to pull Mariola’s shoulder towards him.
She relaxed and did so, laying her head on her chest as he hugged her to him.
“I was married. I’m a widow, as ye know. My husband was a hunter and a trapper. We lived out in the bush. A lot like them folk north of here, I suppose. We were out past Burnthistle.”
Mariola paused at this, waiting for Choke to make a connection. He did immediately.
“Burnthistle? The outpost north of Callic?” he asked.
“The very one. We weren’t alone out there, but there weren’t many of us. Anyways, one day last autumn, Goldy and his crew came through there, and—”
“Wait. What? Goldy the bandit?” Choke interrupted.
“Yes. Fuck sakes, Choke, I thought men were supposed to get smarter after sex. I know about you guys and him. This is not a coincidence. Let me speak.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. It’s just that—”
“Yes, you killed him,” Mariola interrupted this time. “I heard all about it. And later Peep told me. Yar the one that killed him, right? Pinch shot him and ye killed him with yar sword.”
Choke frowned. “Actually, I think it was Thorn who shot him. Or Peep. Not Pinch though.”
“Who’s Thorn?”
“Father Morrenthall’s tracker. He led us out there. Now he’s with a force of the Baron’s men looking into the goblin trouble to the north,” Choke said.
“Oh, okay. Anyways, one day last autumn, Goldy and his crew came and killed all our men. They took us women captive. Killed the other women after a few days. They left me alone, though, so they could sell me to Trader Bob in Splitrock. Peep knew all about him. I guess ye’ve heard something about him.”
“Yes, I believe so. Peep said he was affiliated with Goldy. He’d supply them and send them signals.”
“Yeah, that’s him. Anyways, wintered there. Then, once all of ye took Goldy out, Bob took a turn. He was so bent, the only way he could get anything worth trading was from Goldy. None of the better trappers out there would go near him. He started gambling deep and lost me to another trader that come to buy his pelts. That one took me away and was gonna put me to work in the lumber camps, and I decided that was enough. I clove his head in with a shovel and lit out. Of course, I heard all about what ye done at Trader Bob’s. Everyone was talking about Peep, the runt they called her, bringing ye back there to kill them all. By the time I walked to Callic I heard about her miracle. So, I reckoned I’d keep on and find her. See what she’s all about. Caught up to ye in Spitzer, and she put me to work.”
They lay in silence for a good while as Choke began to digest what Mariola had told him. Finally, he broke the silence:
“I’m so sorry, Mariola. That sounds horrible.”
“It was. But things have been getting better.”
“Now, when you said that Peep put you to work. You don’t mean like what you were doing at Trader Bob’s do you?” Choke asked quietly.
“What? No! Of course not! It was other shit. She told me not to talk about it.”
“Well, I understand that she was using you to help her disguise herself as a boy.”
“Yeah, that was the start of it,” Mariola said grimly. “Then she was using me as bait. Then things went bad and we killed two men together.”
“Oh. I thought you said you weren’t supposed to talk about this.”
“That’s what Peep said. But I am. Are ye gonna tell her I did?” asked Mariola.
“No.”
“Thank ye. Anyways, ye knew about killing them already, I’m sure.”
“Pretty much. I know who you’re talking about. I didn’t know you were involved so directly. And, officially, I don’t even know that Peep had anything to do with it,” Choke said, his voice taking a sarcastic edge.
“Uh-huh. So, let me ask ye, lieutenant: ye normally seem pretty straightlaced with the law and the Holy Book talk and all that. So how do murders like that sit with ye?”
Choke thought about this for a while. “There are certainly arguments to be made that it wasn’t murder. But I understand what you mean. Killing is killing, regardless of what kind of justifications are used. It all takes its toll. So, I can’t say I like it. But I accepted it. And I can’t get into why.”
“It’s because Father M ordered it.”
“This is not something we can talk about,” Choke said, his voice getting hard.
“No? Well then I’ll be the one to talk and ye can just listen. Father M is the Church and what he says goes for ye. So what is Barrelmender to ye?”
“That is complicated.”
“No shit. Are ye following him, or is it the other way around?”
“I don’t know. Technically, with him being the magistrate here, I am his subordinate in times of peace.”
“Yeah, well, saying that don’t make it so. He does what you and Peep tell him to do.”
“That’s not entirely true. Why are you so concerned about all this?” Choke asked.
“How can I not be? Ye have me working for him, and taking care of Peep’s witless followers. Father M and other people are yodeling that the world is gonna end in a heap of goblins and whatever else, and yar bunch are gonna be riding towards it when it starts, as near as I can tell. So how am I not supposed to be concerned about what’s going on with you and Peep and the Brother and the Church?”
“Right. I’m sorry. That makes sense. Well, the bottom line is: Peep bears the Holy Fire. Whatever happens, that must be our guide. She has moments where she is compelled to action by it. I have sworn to support her in that which she must do. Brother Barrelmender has agreed to help us as well, to the best of his abilities. But you know as well as anyone, I’m sure, that he is in a compromised state.”
Mariola snorted. “That’s a nice way to put it, I guess.”
“Thank you. Now you understand where we stand with this. And, yes, the omens seem grim. And I have no doubt that when the time comes, Peep with be driven to the center of it. We will be in the fight. There is no doubt. So, the only safe course for you is to head south and not look back. The question for you, then, becomes whether you manage to get far enough away,” Choke said.
“Well, that aint the only question, is it? There’s also the hows of it. How do I head south? And how do I make my way once I get there? Most likely it’ll just be more of what I’ve already been put through. And what safety is there in that?”
“I don’t know.”
They lay in silence for a while more. Eventually, it was Choke that spoke:
“So, you’re going to stay here with us?”
“I suppose so, yeah. So, whad’ye wanna do about that?” Mariola asked, raising her head up off Choke’s chest to look down at him.
“About you? With us?” he asked.
“With you.”
“I want to be with you. But this… what we did today, what we’re doing now. This isn’t sustainable. We can’t keep this up. It’s not safe,” Choke said.
She tilted her head to the side quizzically. “What do ye mean by that?”
“Well, for one, we’re out here alone in the bush all by ourselves. There are Outfit killers lurking somewhere looking to collect a bounty on us. If we make a habit of coming out here in the tent, it will not end well.”
“Yes. I guess yar right there. But I’m out here in the bush with Peep’s bunch already. We aint any safer.”
“True. But you are also not a specific target. I am. Then, there’s the problem of where this kind of thing leads. You know…” Choke drifted off embarrassed.
“What? No. Whad’ye mean?”
“You know. What we’re doing here. Are you going to get pregnant? And I understand that women who are, or, I mean, who do what you were forced to do after Goldy killed your husband, well, I understand that they pray to the moon to avoid having babies. And I’m not judging about whatever you did in the past. But you can’t do that now. It’s forbidden. We have to think about where this is going to lead.”
“Well, yes and no. I don’t think I can have babies. Never had one, praying to the moon or not. So we aint likely to get into a bother on that score.”
“Oh, okay. So that was true, then,” Choke said, mostly to himself.
“What was true?” Mariola asked sharply.
“I’m sorry, but Barrelmender mentioned something about you not being able to have children. It’s just, it didn’t seem to me that would be something he should know about. And, maybe that he imagined it during one of his episodes, or that you made it up for some reason.”
“So Brother Barrelmender was talking to you about me not being able to have kids. What the fuck? Why?”
“I’m sorry. I know it isn’t any of our business. Or, I guess it’s my business now, if you think it is,” Choke babbled, losing his composure again.
“Yeah? Go on. Why were ye talking about me like that?”
“I’m sorry. He brought up that he had overheard us… you know… in the stable. And then he made some joke about being careful about that because kids conceived in stables tend to have big teeth. Then he said, sort of as an aside, that actually I shouldn’t have to worry about that with you. That’s all.”
“Oh. Well… shit,” Mariola said. She was quiet for a while before she started giggling. “So he heard us fucking. Great.”
“Yes. Apparently, the horses startling is what alerted him.”
“Uh-huh. I just hope he didn’t enjoy himself too much while listening, if ye know what I mean,” Mariola laughed.
“Oh! Gross! Please! That is not an image I need!” Choke cried.
Mariola laughed at this for a while. Once she had settled down, they lay in silence.
“Okay, then,” she finally said. “Whatever. I suppose I didn’t tell him that in confidence. He was just asking about my past and it came up. On account of my husband, the family I had, basically, getting killed by Goldy.”
Choke did respond and the two were quiet for a while more. Finally, Choke grunted.
“It is strange though. You not being able to have kids, I mean…” Choke drifted off, looking perturbed.
“What? It’s not that strange. It’s for the best, aint it? We don’t wanna bring a kid into this mess that’s shaping up do we?”
“Oh, sorry. No, I was thinking about my own thing there, actually. It’s just that the other woman that, I don’t know, had her way with me? Before, I mean. In Callic after we killed the spider monsters in the tower there. She also couldn’t have children. It just seems odd that first her and now you have the same problem.”
“Uh-huh. I suppose it would seem odd, to a good Stronian boy like you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, out in the bush, ye know, beyond the reach of yar Church men, women can pick and choose if they have a baby or not. So if they get any kinda choice about the kinda men they’re gonna be with, they don’t gotta worry about that. But in yar Stronian places here, women can’t pray to the moon, right? So, at a minimum, a woman who wants to bed a man for fun is gonna have to risk his seed taking root, or being burned if she wants to deal with it. I guess if she’s married she can play it off as her husband’s easily enough. But a single woman? If she can have kids, she’s gotta be real careful about all that business. So, it stands to reason that barren women would be more likely to follow their druthers. Right?”
“Oh. Okay, I see,” Choke said, looking very much like he did not. “So… what were we talking about?”
“About how what we’re doing here is so reckless. Babies or no, we’re in peril here, ye said.”
“That’s true.”
“Well then, seeing as we’ve taken the risk already today, we may as well make the most of it.”
With this, Mariola slid her leg over Choke and mounted him. She kissed him. He was ready in an instant, but she took her time. It was good.
Muse Vassal 