table of contents – (spoilers)
The lad led Peep and Pinch over some stepping stones across the creek just a little upstream of the now shallow ford of the Crotch. Once across, they followed him down the Cowslip road towards where Tully’s brothel used to be. It was less than a hundred meters to their destination: Widow Mavis’ cabin, the new abode and venue of Annica and Mya, the last two working whores of Bristlehump.
As cabins in the woods go, it was a fine one. It was near enough to the creek to have easy access, without being so close as to worry too much about flooding. It was sturdy and in good repair, and just a little bigger than most of its neighbors. It had a small garden behind a low stone wall. An older woman was in the garden weeding. She pointedly ignored the trio as they approached.
“This is it!” the boy proclaimed, pointing at the place. He then stood there and stared expectantly at Peep and Pinch.
“I suppose ye think ye deserve something for bringing us here,” Peep said.
The lad shrugged and then nodded.
Peep chuckled as she dug out her small change coin pouch.
“Yar mom’s a clever one,” Peep said with a smirk. “Coulda told us just where this was, easy enough. Instead she set ye along with us, so’s ye can fleece us a little for yar troubles.”
The lad shrugged again.
“Not that I mind it,” Peep said, flicking the boy a small copper. “Before ye go back, though, tell me something. Whad’ye know about us? Me and the Lieutenant and the rest, I mean.”
“I dunno. I heard that ye got Stron in yar hands there and can burn up the wicked! And that ye did that to all them at Tully’s! And I heard that yar setting Barrelmender to rights, and that yar fixing to fight just about everybody around!”
“Oh, is that so?” Peep asked, throwing Pinch an amused look. “And who is it that ye reckon we’re gonna be fighting first?”
“How should I know? But ye got a long list, don’t ye? There’s Sneed and his boys. And there’s all them wicked folk in Bristlenook. Everyone’s fighting about which bunch it is that’s most likely to kill ye!”
“Is that so?” Peep laughed. “What, nobody reckons that we’re gonna prevail?”
“Yeah, lots do, too. Stron aint weak. Everybody knows that!”
“Well, that’s good. So whad’ye know about Sneed?”
“Well, he’s a killer, is what! Deadly on that longbow! He’s the one that put an arrow through Dixon’s back. But he aint from around here, right? He’s come up from the south, from where he’s been murdering for pay for his whole life. And he’s riding with three men from the Moondark Hills; men even worse than him. Mom says that they’d just as soon eat my liver as look at me! But whenever me and Aric and the rest play bandits and knights, him and his bunch always wanna be Sneed and his three men: Kerl, Dane, and Ermin. So I always gotta be you or just some other knight. Not that that’s so bad, I guess,” the boy said, giving Peep as sideways look as he remembered himself.
“No, I guess not. So Sneed’s three men are named, Kerl, Dane, and Ermin, huh? Ye sure about that?”
“Well, yeah. Everybody knows that!”
“Okay, then. Good to know. And all three of them are from the Moondark Hills, ye say?” Peep asked.
The boy shrugged. “I guess so. That’s what everybody says.”
“Good enough. Now, have ye heard if Sneed or his boys have been snooping around lately?”
“Nope!”
“Wait. Is that nope, ye haven’t heard anything?” Peep asked.
“Yup! They aint been around here for a bit. As far as we’ve heard.”
“Have ye heard anything about where they’re at?”
“Up north someplace. Probably getting more men to come down here and kill ye,” the boy said with a grin.
“Yeah, that seems to be the case. Well, here ye go then,” Peep said. She dug another slightly larger coin out and flicked it at the boy, who caught it eagerly. “What’s yar name, boy?”
“Spence!”
“Okay, Spence. Now, I’m not saying anything here, really. But, yar mom is expecting ye to come back with just one coin. So what ye do with the other is up to you, now aint it. And if ye wanna chance to earn more like it, pop up to the army base if ye hear anything about any of the bad boys around. Sneed especially, but if ye hear about any of his men coming around, ye let us know. Don’t tell yar friends about helping us, though. Ye just keep yar ears open. Ye understand?”
“Yeah, I reckon so. Are ye for real?”
“Indeed I am. Ye bring me something worth hearing, and I’ll pay ye for it. Now, run along,” Peep said.
“Thanks, lady!” Spence yelled as he ran off.
“Shit, man, we gotta talk to these yokels more often,” Peep muttered to Pinch. “That’s one more name than we had on them guys before.”
“Just one? Kerl’s the only one I’ve heard about,” Pinch said.
Peep’s face scrunched up. “Yeah, I guess. The name Ermin’s familiar. I think I heard Sneed drop it at Tully’s when I was listening in. But I got distracted with everything and him talking about Kerl peeling faces off.”
“Yeah, well, that does make an impression,” Pinch said darkly.
“No shit. Okay, let’s see what’s going on here. You do the talking. Everyone seems to think the sunlight shines outta yar asshole these days. May as well make use of that,” Peep said, giving Pinch a gentle shove towards the old woman in her garden.
Pinch nodded and stepped forward with his hand raised.
“Hello, ma’am! Good day to you! May I ask if you are the Widow Mavis?” Pinch called out to her.
She looked up with a sour look. “Yeah! That I am! But I aint for hire. So ye can head on in if that’s what yar after, and ye can leave me outta it!”
“Okay, thank you, ma’am. We are here to talk to Annica and Mya. We’re not here for anything more than that,” Pinch said.
“I aint a bit interested in any of what ye all do to get yar kicks! Ye just leave me outta it, I said. They’re in the house! So go on in if that’s what ye want!” Mavis hollered at him.
Looking at her, it was clear that she did not see well at all, as her eyes were rheumy and unfocused. It was quite likely that she had not even noticed Peep standing just behind Pinch. Peep gave Pinch a nudge towards the cabin.
“Alright, then, ma’am. Thank you for your patience,” Pinch said loudly as he moved past the garden and up to the cabin’s open door.
The interior of the cabin was decent as well; it even had a wooden floor. Most of its space was devoted to one large room, with three cubbies for rooms at its back. These were elevated about fifty centimeters to allow for storage underneath, and had rough-hewn log steps up to open doorways with curtains instead of doors. Really, the whole arrangement was little more than a deck with partitions.
“Oh, shit! Would ya look who it is!” Peep said gleefully as she and Pinch entered the cabin.
On the floor, passed out under a wooden bench at the table, was Gabe. There was no one else in the room.
“Sad sack of shit. Can’t even get laid in a hoorhouse,” Peep laughed.
“Well, you never know,” Pinch said. “Maybe he got some before he passed out.”
“Maybe. But with this one, I doubt it. He makes his own booze and here he is drinking in a hoorhouse till he passes out,” Peep said. She moved into the room, looking around. “Yeah, these are his potato wine jugs. Born salesman, this one.”
“Well, he is young,” Pinch said.
Peep shrugged. She went around the table and banged on the bench right above Gabe’s head. “Hey! Anyone here? Up and at em!”
Gabe groaned and rolled away from her under the table. From two of the room cubbies, other groans and rustling could be heard.
“Oh, fuck! Shut up!” a man’s tortured voice came from one.
“Who’s there?” a woman’s voice came from another.
“Pinchy-poo and his bodyguard, that’s who!” Peep answered loudly.
A loud groan, followed by a fart came from the man voice’s cubby. Shortly afterwards, the man himself emerged to sit down in the doorway with his feet on the steps. His face the picture of hungover misery, he sat getting his jerkin on for some time.
“What the fuck time is it? Oh, fuck. Ye let me fall asleep! I gotta be at work! And my wife. Ahhhh… fuck,” the man said, crumpling in despair.
Mya’s face emerged from the cubby behind him. She smiled at Pinch and waved. “Hi Pinchy!”
“Hi, Mya. How’s it going?”
“Prett good, I guess. We got us a place here already! And our first customers! And we got us a line on some cheap booze, so things are looking up!”
“Yeah, seems so. Sorry to bother ye so early, but we need a quick word. Could we talk to you for a bit?” Pinch asked.
Mya nodded eagerly at him.
“Shut the fuck up!” the man next to her snapped, raising his head up from between his knees. “Can’t ye tell I’m fucked here! Show some fuckin respect!”
“Uhhhhhh…. No! Fuck off!” Peep said cheerfully.
The man leveled a bleary glare her way. When his eyes focused, it took a few more seconds for his brain to put together what they were sending its way.
“Oh, fuck,” he said.
“Fuck yeah. Fuckin fucked ye are, and the fucked ye fuckin thing yar fucked with aint the fuckin half of it. So, do like I said, and fuck off already. Right?” Peep smiled.
“Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am,” the man said bobbing his head up and down. He hurriedly grabbed his boots and the rest of his clothes from behind him, and stumbled barefoot out of the cabin. At the doorway he turned back and bowed. “I’m sorry ma’am. And sir. I just aint myself this morning.”
“Yeah, ye are. This is who ye fuckin are. Fucked. All fuckin day long. Have a good time with that,” Peep said, giving the man a dismissive, flicking wave away.
The man fucked off.
Now collapsed in the door of her cubby, Mya raised her disheveled head and pouted her lips at Pinch.
“Pinchy-poo, can ye be a sweetie and cook us breakfast again? I don’t feel so good. Why does potato wine always make me sick like this?”
“Because it’s nasty shit, is why,” Peep answered. She looked to Pinch. “Pinchy-poo, ye may as well fire up that stove, because they aint gonna be good for shit unless we get some food in them.”
Pinch nodded and moved over to the iron cookstove to stoke it up.
“Thank ye, sweetie! Yar such a doll! She’s got a little root cellar with an ice box just there. Potatoes and bacon and butter and everything down there. Cook us something yummy, baby!”
“Bacon? Yeah, no shit, man. Get on it!” Peep said to Pinch. She unlimbered her shortbow rig and slung it over a rough wooden chair before taking a seat in it. “So, where’s the other one? She in that one there?” Peep asked Mya.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Yeah, I’m here,” Annica called from her cubby.
“Ye alone?” Peep asked.
“Yeah.”
“Fuckin dipshit,” Peep said quietly, chuckling to herself as she prodded Gabe under the table with her boot. “Fuckin hoor alone in bed, and you her booze peddler, and ye pass out on the fuckin floor. Fuckin dipshit.”
It took Pinch just twenty minutes to throw together a good fried breakfast of bacon, eggs, and potatoes. The smell of it finished rousing everyone. The women went outside to the outhouse together, and when they returned Gabe was able to rouse himself enough to crawl outside to puke his guts out.
The five of them sat down together for breakfast. The potatoes were a little underdone, but no one seemed to mind. Peep indulged herself in a small plate as a second breakfast. Having already eaten plenty out of the pans as he was cooking, Pinch only had a mug of stugroot.
“Is Mavis gonna be alright with us eating all her food?” Pinch asked.
“Bit late now, aint it?” Peep said.
“Well, we could pay her.”
“It’s fine,” Annica said. “It’s part of the deal. We pay her for the rooms and food. She’s doing just fine, don’t ye worry.”
“Pay her with what? That one asshole? And did ye even remember to charge him?” Peep asked.
“Yeah, I did,” Annica returned with more salt than Pinch’s potatoes. “And he had some buddies. And they all paid. It’s up and running. Don’t ye worry.”
“I aint worried either way. Lucky trick, though, huh. Getting to spend the night in her loving arms. All while poor Gabe here’s laid out on the floor,” Peep said, looking over to Gabe, who was sitting like a melted candle, eyes half closed, drooling into his half-finished plate.
Annica shrugged. “That’s where he dropped.”
“Did ye give him anything before he did?” Peep asked.
“No! He’s selling us potato wine. That’s it. We start giving him rides, then we got money moving both ways, and I just don’t think that’s very professional.”
“Oh, no shit. Professional. Right. So ye got big plans here, do ye?” Peep snorted.
“I got plans, yeah. Is hearing all about them why yar here? Why don’t ye just get on with it, so’s we can enjoy our morning?” Annica said.
“Yeah, why don’t I. Fuck. So, ye two spent some time with Thad Swallowtail up at his place, ye said.”
“Him again? I’m tired of thinking about that creep!”
Peep simply stared at Annica until she felt compelled to be less disagreeable. It did not take long.
“Yeah, we were up there. But like I told ye, we was all high as fuck. I don’t remember much of anything.”
“Okay, I got that. But I just wanna know what the place is like. Is it a cabin in the woods? A little farm? What?”
“Oh, well, yeah, it’s like a little farm, I’d say. Pretty big house, though. Bunch of tents and little sheds and shit all around in the bush,” Annica said.
“And his sauna,” Mya interjected. “That was alright, actually.”
“What’s that?” Peep asked.
“Actually, yeah, that was alright. It’s like a little hut, and they pull rocks outta a fire and stack em up in there and dump water on them and it all steams up. That was nice,” Annica said.
“Uh-huh. So, anyways, where is the place? It’s east of Bristlenook, right?”
“Yeah. The crick there cuts through town, but their holler to the east there is where the crick comes outta. Ye just follow the crick and he’s the first place up there. It aint far,” Annica said.
“And the healer herbalist lady, Diya, is just a bit farther up the holler there. Place called East Rock?” asked Peep.
Annica shrugged. “I guess so. Didn’t go there. But I think that’s right?” she looked to Mya.
Mya shrugged. She then leaned forward and smiled across the table at Pinch. Looking over at him herself, Peep noticed he had a glazed look on his face. She leaned over and glanced down into his lap to confirm her suspicion that Mya was massaging his groin with her bare foot.
“You got anything to add?” Peep asked Mya.
“Huh?”
“Anything ye think we should know about Thad’s place?”
Mya stared thoughtfully into space for a bit.
“Don’t think so,” she finally answered. “But, I guess yar all interested in him because ye wanna kill him, right? So, I did notice that there weren’t no weapons there. Didn’t see one anywhere. No bows, or nothing. And they don’t got no crops, neither. I thought that was strange, since if they aint farming, they must be hunting. But, I guess not, though. I asked Thad how they keep themselves fed, and he just said the universal mother provides all they need from the forest. So, I dunno, I guess they’re eating a lot of pine nuts?”
“They’re eating a lot of nuts up there, alright,” Annica said with a smirk.
Everyone except Gabe had a giggle at this.
“Well, I guess that’s about it, then,” Peep said, still chuckling as she stood up. “Thank ye, both. So this is where yar gonna be for the next while?”
“Yeah, I reckon so,” Annica said.
“Good. This is for the info,” Peep dropped two bigger copper coins on the table. Annica and Mya each snatched one up. Mya bobbed her head appreciatively towards Peep, whereas Annica just gave her a curt nod.
“And keep yar ears open,” Peep continued. “If Sneed and his, or any other Outfit fuckers come through, ye let me know. Also, anything about Bristlenook that ye might hear about. And remember what I said: anyone starts trying to muscle ye, let me know. I’ll sort them out. But I aint talking about just any drunk tricks, mind. I aint about bouncing for the likes of ye. And none of our people are either. I just mean real trouble. So, ye got any plans for dealing with yar customers when they go off?”
Annica shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. Few more days work and we should be able to hire somebody to shove them around. If we let him drink, probably won’t cost us too much.”
“I guess ye got it all worked out, then. With ye being the only two in town now, ye should probably raise yar prices,” Peep said.
“Ye think that aint crossed my mind? Please,” Annica snorted.
“Yeah, okay then,” Peep looked down at Pinch, who was still sitting slack-jawed. At least he had slid down in his chair, so she did not have to see whatever Mya was doing to him with her feet under the table. “Are ye coming with me, or are ye gonna… do this other thing?” Peep asked Pinch.
He took a moment to sigh deeply before standing up.
“Awwwww!” Mya whined. “Don’t go, Pinchy! He can stay can’t he?” she asked Peep.
“That’s up to him,” Peep answered.
“I’m coming. Thank ye, both, but I gotta get back to the men. Lots going on,” Pinch said.
“Well, thanks for cooking breakfast. And anytime ye wanna come back and have some fun, ye know just where to find us. Don’t ye forget, now!” Mya smiled.
“Oh, I won’t. Thank ye.”
Pinch stepped away from the table and towards the door. As Peep turned to leave as well, Annica spoke up:
“Hey, could ye do me a favor and take Gabe with ye? I don’t need to have him sobering up here all fuckin day.”
“Yeah, alright. Pinch, d’ya wanna get him moving?” Peep said.
It took a moment, but Pinch got Gabe upright and stumbling out the door without too much manhandling. A ways up the road, they had to wait for him while he leaned against the tree, struggling not to throw up again. He won that battle after a minute, and they were able to continue on towards town.
“Gabe, what the fuck are ye doing to yarself?” Peep asked.
“Miss… please… I don’t feel good.”
“Oh, no shit? What the fuck are ye doing? Did ye sell them yar shit and then buy it back from them to get shitfaced on?”
“I don’t remember.”
With a deep frown, Gabe stopped in the road, swaying like a tree in the wind. He dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out some coppers. It took him another long moment to count them up.
“So… two jugs I sold them… and… yeah, I guess I musta paid. But maybe I did something with them?” he stared off into space, trying to remember.
“No. Ye didn’t. Why would they do that, when they can just sell yar own booze back to ye, ye fuckin dipshit? And yar the guy that’s gonna take over these hollers with yar booze empire? Some business savvy ye got!” Peep laughed.
“Okay, Peep. Come on. Ease up on him, huh?” Pinch said.
“Oh yeah, ye would sympathize, wouldn’t ye?” Peep said as they got moving again. “Ye watch yarself with them two. They aint half as dumb as they look.”
“I never thought they looked dumb.”
“So what’s that tell ye? Watch yarself, Mr quartermaster. Ye start dipping yar wick over there, and pretty soon ye’ll be in the same fuckin canoe as all these dirty fucks we’ve been taking out. Just a few more coins on the sly to keep the party going. Ye remember the bag that Butters bugged out with. Keep that at the fuckin front of yar mind. That was his whole fuckin take from a life of crime in the army. Big fuckin deal.”
“Yes, I am aware. Thank you for your concern, Peep!” Pinch snapped.
“Yeah, anytime.”
They walked in silence for a while, then, with Gabe stumbling along behind.
“Why would you think you have to say that to me? What do you think I am, anyway?” Pinch eventually said.
“A horny prick, is what. And that Mya bitch has her hooks into ye, and she knows it. So don’t ye go thinking that it’s something that it aint. Because it aint shit. It’s them making the moves they have to make, because yar someone important around here now, and they’re out in the cold world all on their own. I don’t blame them for it. But they will twist ye up to get ye to do what they want.”
“And just what is it that yar thinking that they want from me?” Pinch said, doing his best to hide his anger at her words.
“Whad’ye think? All yar fuckin money, for one. Then, yar protection. Maybe start getting ye to rough somebody up now and again. Maybe shit starts falling off our wagons and rolling into their joint. And if yar actually catching some feelings over this, ye’d best check yarself right quick. Because ye fuckin well know Knuckle’s gonna be down there sticking it into them first chance he gets. And I don’t need you getting weird about it when he does,” Peep said.
“And are ye gonna be giving him this same speech?”
“Fuck no. Because, unlike you, I know he aint the kinda stupid to fall into their traps. He’ll fuck them and be done with it. Which I don’t think ye can manage, sensitive little fucker that ye are.”
With that, they walked the rest of the way into town and to the base in silence.
Muse Vassal 