Table of Contents – (spoilers)
After their uneventful patrol of the start of the Tanglefoot Trail, Peep, Pinch, Dom, Hardmod, and Rabbit came out of the bush on the Bristlenook road heading for the ford at the Crotch to go back into Bristlehump for lunch. The road here hugged the Bristle Creek. On the other side of the creek was the wooden palisade with the village rising up behind it.
Before the patrol could reach the confluence of the Bristle and Cowslip creeks known locally as the Crotch, the bell at the south gate rang. The cadence was three rings, with a pause, and then three more. This meant it was an alert, not an alarm. After a few seconds, the alert was acknowledged by the north gate, which struck an identical pattern.
Peep’s squad made it to the south gate through the Crotch at the same time as Choke and six soldiers coming down through town. Bob’s right-hand-man, Klim was standing at the gate with two burly teamsters, talking to the two soldiers stationed there. There was a small crowd of villagers standing around gawking at them.
With Peep and Choke arriving from either side of the gate, Klim was obviously offput to be surrounded by a dozen soldiers.
“The fuck?” he scowled at Peep and Pinch. “Ye fuckin following me?”
“I doubt it. Where ye coming from?” Peep grinned at him.
“The fuckin yard! Where d’ye think?”
“Then… nope! So what’s the fuss, LT?” Peep looked Choke’s way.
Choke shrugged and looked to the two soldiers manning the gate. They both shrugged and looked to Klim. Everyone then looked at Klim.
“Bob sent me to come get ye,” Klim said to Choke.
“Ye know it’s almost fuckin lunch, right?” Peep griped.
“Yeah! I fuckin do! Tell me a-fuckin-bout it! He said it’s important.”
“Is it an emergency? Does he need us in force?” Choke asked.
Klim glowered at him for a spell before answering: “Does it look like a fuckin emergency? Is the fuckin yard bell ringing? No? So I guess it aint a fuckin emergency, is it! He said to come and get ye, and that it’s important.”
“Who?” Peep asked.
“Bob! Who the fuck d’ye—” Klim started hollering.
“No!” Peep cut him off. “Who are ye supposed to get?”
“Who the fuck d’ye think! Go get the fuckin lieutenant, he said! So, if yar done asking me stupid fuckin questions, I’m going back to the yard. Ye can come with, or not. I’m fuckin done here! Let’s go, boys!” Klim gestured for his two men to follow him.
“Kay, hold up now, man. We’ll come back with ye. Just give us a sec to get situated,” Peep said.
When Klim ignored her and kept walking towards the Crotch, Peep gave a short, sharp whistle.
“Hey! No! Hold up, I said! We’re coming with ye, Klim. Ye wait for us now!” she barked at his back.
Both of Klim’s men stopped and turned back. Klim took another couple of steps before stopping, his frame tensed up in anger. He half turned to glare up the creek bank at Peep murderously.
“Well hurry it the fuck up, then! Goddamn it! I aint got all fuckin day!”
“Ye do if I say ye do, cocksucker! And if I hafta stick yar fuckin foot to the ground with an arrow to get that into yar fuckin head, then that’s what I’ll do!” Peep yelled back as she pulled an arrow and slapped it down on her bow.
“Who you calling a fuckin cocksucker, pipsqueak!” Klim flared up, turning to face Peep square with his hand on his knife.
Both Pinch and Dom pulled and notched arrows at this. Peep continued standing as she had been, her bow held loose down low in front of her, the arrow notched but not drawn back.
“Some balls on ye, Klim. I’ll give ye that!” Peep said.
“I asked ye a question, woman! I asked ye who ye thought ye called a cocksucker! Cause I aint one to fuckin stand for that kinda slight! Not from no one!” Klim yelled at her.
“Yeah, I can see that, Klim. So I suppose I wasn’t talking to ye just now. I was addressing that log over yonder. That cocksucker. On account that I’ve heard that since Tully’s has gone up in smoke, some of the boys around here have taken to fuckin that dirty old hoor log in a rotten knothole it’s got up near its top!” Peep called out loud for all around to hear.
There was some laughter in response.
Klim did not laugh, but his posture relaxed as his hand came off his knife hilt.
Peep put her arrow back in its quiver. Pinch and Dom followed her in doing the same.
“So, why don’t ye chill out for a minute, tough guy, and we’ll get our shit together, and ye can take us down to the yard just like yar boss told ye to. Right?” Peep said loudly to Klim, her tone bordering on friendly.
Klim dismissed this with a wave, but did not leave.
“Alright, LT,” Peep said, lowering her voice as she turned to Choke. “We’re going with him now?”
“I suppose we should.”
“Alright. I’m coming, obviously. And I think… Pinch. You feel like tagging along?” Peep asked him.
“Yeah. What’s up? Ye feeling something off here?”
Peep thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Dunno. Something, maybe. Anyways, good to keep em on their toes. So let’s go a little hard today. Hardmod. Rabbit. Yar with us, too. When we get to the freight yard, we’ll probably go in the cabin to talk to Bob. Ye two stay outside and keep watch. Anything fucky starts outside and ye pound on that door. Got it?”
“Yes, sir,” both Hardmod and Rabbit said.
Peep then turned to Corporal Dom. “Dom. Ye take these men back and help Sergeant Theodas mind the men. Keep yar weapons at hand. If ye hear that horn, ye come running to the yard.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Right. Well, let’s not keep King Klim waiting any longer, or he might pop something in his head and keel over,” Peep chuckled. She started through the gate and down towards the three teamsters standing at the water’s edge at the Crotch.
Hardmod and Rabbit fell in behind Choke and Pinch who moved down after Peep. Choke was in his plain tabard over his mail, with his cavalry saber on his hip. He did not have a shield, but his longbow was in hand with a full quiver on his back.
“So, Klim, ye know what this is all about?” Peep asked after they had all crossed the Crotch.
Klim and his two men were walking just in front of Peep. Klim slowed a little and stepped to the side to look back at her and answer:
“Yeah. I do.”
Then he put his back to her again and quickened his pace.
Peep snorted in amusement. They walked on in silence for a while.
“So, something up yar ass about it? Ye seem tense, Klim,” Peep prodded again, her voice loud and cheerful.
Klim took a long moment before slowing his stride to fall in beside Peep.
“Ye know, something, Miss? I am just a bit curious how it is that someone like you has my name in their mouth as much as ye have. On account that I can’t recall anyone ever putting it in yar ear before.”
“Well now, Klim, for one, it’s my job to know everyone that matters here in town. And, for another, Bob put yar name in my ear when we come to see him on Monday morning. So if we’re gonna be curious about the state of each other, then I might be inclined to worry about the state of yar memory. Ye haven’t been boozing too hard lately, now have ye, Klim?”
“Just the same as ever. So ye tell me Bob introduced me all right and proper, did he?”
“That he did. Bob seems pretty correct when it comes to that sort of thing. Must be why he’s been put in charge of ye lot out here. On account of his correctness,” Peep said with a wide grin.
“Yeah. Must be that.”
“Yeah. No doubt. And when I’m dealing with people officially, like I am with ye now, Klim, I like to make sure everyone knows I have a clear idea of who everyone is. I’m not a person prone to getting my parties confused, is what I’m saying. So when I next address ye as something or another, ye’ll fuckin well know I mean it.”
Klim apparently felt this required no response, for he quickened his pace and strode on ahead of Peep without another word. Peep let him go in silence.
The work going on in the freight yard did not seem unusual as they walked through to the log cabin of Bob’s office. However, the men doing it seemed off. They were obviously tense, and talked to each other in hushed tones as they glowered at Choke and the others.
As they approached the office, Klim cut his two men loose with a jerk of his thumb. He then stomped up onto the covered porch and pounded on the door.
“Yeah!” Bob shouted from inside.
Klim opened the door and stepped aside, gesturing for Choke to go in. Choke nodded politely and did so.
Peep turned to Hardmod and Rabbit:
“Ye two wait out here. If anything gets fucky, ye start hollering.”
“Yes, sir!”
Peep and then Pinch followed Choke into the office. Klim stuck his head in the door.
“Ye want me in here with ye again, Bob?” he asked, his tone still shitty.
“Yeah. If it aint too much fuckin trouble. Who’s that out there?” Bob asked leaning over to get a view out the door.
“They brought two more soldiers to stand guard out there, is who,” Klim said as he came in and closed the door behind him.
“Huh. Well, have a seat,” Bob said, standing up to gesture at the chairs in front of his desk.
Choke took off his quiver and leaned it and his longbow in the nearest corner before sitting down. Pinch did the same. Peep sat down with her shortbow in her lap. Bob nodded at this as he sat down.
“Klim, ye can have a seat as well,” Bob gestured at a chair off to the side of his desk. “Anyone need a drink? Stug?”
“Nah, we’re good,” Peep said for all of them.
“Good. So, any reason yar coming here heavy this time?” Bob asked.
“Well, Bob, bells a ringing. Woods full of folks hell-bent on putting us down. You lot being what ye are. Seemed prudent. And yar man Klim here brought two knuckle draggers along with him just to bring us a simple message, so that goes both ways, right?” Peep said pleasantly.
“He did?” Bob looked mildly surprised. He looked over to Klim: “Ye did?”
“Yeah. I fuckin did,” Klim answered with a glare.
“Alright then,” Bob sighed through his nose.
“Everyone’s a bit on edge here, huh? So what’s up?” Peep asked.
“Murder is what. Two of them, I hear,” Bob said, leaning back in his chair. “And my guys have been talking about it all fuckin morning, and it’s only a matter of time before someone starts pissing in yar ears about it. And then coming straight here is gonna be yar first fuckin move, since whoever told you woulda heard it from one of our guys. Sure as shit!” Bob glared over at Klim with the last exclamation.
Klim glared back, and looked as though he was about to spit on the floor, but held back on that, as well as any verbal reply.
“So, yeah. I thought it would be best just to get out in front of that and get this shit over with,” Bob said, once again switching his focus between Peep and Choke.
“But I guess everyone around here don’t feel the same about it,” Peep said, winking at Klim.
“Yeah, ye guess fuckin right. But that’s my headache.”
“So, murders you say, sir,” Choke interjected.
“Yeah. So I hear. And this is all just fuckin hearsay, so ye can forget about anyone here giving any fuckin testimony about it. And all my men out there know the routine if they’re asked by any outsiders. They’re all fuckin mutes,” Bob said.
“Fuckin rights,” Klim said, pride in his voice.
“Understood. So, with that being the case, could we hear the hearsay now?” Choke asked.
“Yeah. Sure thing. Up at the top of South Hill here, at the old bandit camp, there’s two bodies,” Bob said.
“Uh-huh,” Peep said, the antithesis of surprise. “Well, that didn’t take long.”
“No. It didn’t. Alright, so here’s what we’ve heard from people that heard from people that we don’t know, right? One of yar boys offed one of his buddies and run off to the South Hill with three of Tully’s hoors, looking to set up shop.”
“Yeah. Henri,” Peep said.
“That’s right. Well, he’s been turning some trade in them tents of his up there. Then, yesterday, some guys go up there after work to dip their wicks and they find Henri and one of the hoors dead,” said Bob.
“So that’s yesterday about dinnertime then,” Peep said.
“Yeah. I guess so. So, whoever those guys mighta been, and I sure as hell don’t know who they are, but they get the fuck outta there. On the way back down the hill, they run into some other fellers on the way up. They share what they seen. Then they all come back down the hill together and go home.”
“And no doubt try to patch things up with the wife,” Peep snorted.
“Yeah, sure. Whatever. So, by the time work’s up and running here today, that shit up there is all everybody’s talking about. So I says to Klim that we oughta get out in front of this with ye lot, on account of it’s been our boys almost exclusive that been going up there, and yar gonna be coming around here to talk to us on it sooner rather than later anyways.”
“But Klim didn’t agree,” Peep said.
“No. He didn’t. But he’s old school like that. He’s of a mind that our sort shouldn’t be saying anything to yar sort until their thumbs’ve been half twisted off,” said Bob.
“Well, that can always be arranged,” Peep said cheerfully.
“So, these men that went up there, Bob,” Choke interjected, “did they say that it was Henri that was killed?”
“Yeah. That’s the name they’ve been throwing around.”
“Any other details?” Peep asked.
“Yeah. They said that Henri was facedown, crossbowed in the back. And the woman was one of the hoors. She had her throat cut.”
“And these winners that found them, they just left them up there to the critters, huh? Nice fuckin guys,” Peep said.
“Yeah, well, I’m guessing they aint heroic types like yarselves. They was probably shitting themselves that whoever done it would be lurking around,” Bob said.
“Yeah, or that we’d catch them there. So, Henri was crossbowed, ye say. That’s funny, given that those there are the only crossbows I’ve seen in town so far,” Peep gestured to the weapon rack behind Klim.
“For real? If I wanted to get into the pimping game, I woulda made a move on them hoors long before them two cunt-brained spear monkeys ever thought up their half-witted bullshit,” Bob sneered.
“Uh-huh. And when yar not here, Bob, this office is locked up tight? Who can get in here, d’ye reckon?” asked Peep.
“Anyone that fuckin wants. Not that it’d help them in the way yar thinking. Cause when the yard’s shut down, our boys are on them bows guarding our animals and wagons. And ye should know that already. So why don’t ye quit wasting our fuckin time? That’s what we know. And that’s all I’m gonna say about it. So I think we’re done here, right?” Bob stood up.
“Yeah. I guess so. For now,” Peep said.
She stood up as well. Choke and Pinch then did so, too.
“Thank you for the information, Bob. I appreciate your help,” Choke said, stepping towards Bob’s desk to extend his hand. The two shook hands. “I will report this to Brother Barrelmender and commence an investigation. I understood what you said about this all being hearsay and not being willing to give evidence. But, at the end of the day, it is up to Brother Barrelmender how he proceeds officially with this.”
Bob laughed.
“Barrelmender? Oh, we’re pretending that he’s doing anything besides what ye prod him into? If that. I’ll take my chances with him!”
“Yeah, well, he’s perking up these days, Bob, so careful what ye wish for,” Peep said.
“Yeah. Sure thing. So that’s it?”
“For now, Bob, yeah. Ye just tell yar boys that they’d be wise to steer clear of us while we run this shit down. South Hill is hot. None of ye’s be going up there.”
“Oh, no shit? And here we’ve been planning our monthly picnic up there.”
“Yeah, with them hoors up there, I am sure ye were. Okay, that’s it. Take it easy, boys,” Peep said.
With this Peep gestured for Pinch to head outside first. He picked up Choke’s bow and quiver and handed them to him. Then he picked up and equipped his own, before opening the door. Choke followed Pinch outside.
Peep paused to smile at Bob and Klim in turn. Then she turned on her heel and left Bob’s office.
Muse Vassal 