Table of Contents – (spoilers)
At Balan and Bab’s place, the squad sat down for a fine outdoor feed. With the couple’s three boys and one daughter, it was a big, lively affair. The teamster boss, Bob, did not join. After their campsite meeting, he had slipped off on a trail to go back to work.
“So, Balan,” Peep said after the big lunch had settled a bit, “yar boy Gabe here was telling us that there’s a fletcher that’s worth a damn in Bristlenook. Gotthilf, I think he said. Is that right?’
Balan nodded. “Yes. Gotthilf is a good arrow-maker. His hunting bows are known to be good, too.”
“And is he likely to be friendly to us? I mean, with us being the Stron-fearing type, and him living over there in love town with the Thad worshipers.”
Balan shrugged. “I don’t reckon he gives much a thought to religion either way. He’s always treated our sort square, at least.”
“Well, then, that’ll have to be good enough. We need arrows. And it’s high time we checked out Bristlenook. And doing that when Sneed and his boys are gonna be real tuckered out, if they’re around at all, is probably for the best. Is Gotthilf’s place in Bristlenook?”
“Not so much. Just a bit into the bush. Gabe’ll show ye where. As to getting to Bristlenook, ye can continue on down the main track at the crick, but ye could also take the high road, so to speak, and go up the North Ridge Trail and then work yar way back down to it. That might be the safer course, all things considered,” Balan said.
“All right, then,” Choke said. “Well thank you, Balan. For everything. The hosting of the parlay, and the fine meal with your good family. We are most grateful.”
With this, the squad got themselves up and ready to head out. Gabe had been snoozing in his chair, and was less than thrilled to learn that he would be leading them up and down the North Ridge in his hungover condition. Of course, Babs got him motivated enough with her usual energy and means.
The North Ridge Trail was a good one, and getting up to it from the Balan property was easy enough. As with the South Hill, the slopes of the North Ridge had been logged several decades before. The forest here was almost mature, but the old logging skid tracks were routinely used as trails by the locals and were open.
With Gabe back with Knuckle and Choke, Pinch and Peep worked point as scouts, switching off as usual. They proceeded in this fashion for a few kilometers up the North Ridge Trail. About halfway to Bristlenook, they passed the active lumber camp below on the ridge’s east slope. The sounds of axes felling trees and men and beast at work was plainly audible up on the ridge, but they had no trouble getting by the lumberjacks unnoticed.
The village of Bristlenook was a spread-out affair, as much a sign of the peaceful times as the disrepair of Bristlehump’s palisade. In the kingdom of Bitina, towns, villages, and hamlets were usually very similar in layout, with the buildings being clustered together so as to be easily defended in the middle of the community’s cleared farmland. However, being in the wilds beyond the authority and protection of the Baron, Bristlenook’s denizens were free to build their cabins and cottages as they wished. As with the abodes clustered up the Cowslip Ravine outside of Bristlehump, those in Bristlenook kept some distance from each other, with gardens and small fields between them. This made for a pretty picture as the squad descended the ridge down into the little valley.
Gotthilf the fletcher’s place was not far outside the main cluster of Bristlenook. Once he had contained his ferocious dogs, he was more than happy to sell the squad what arrows he had. This, unfortunately, turned out to be quite a bit less than they needed. He had, of course, plenty of good hunting arrows for Pinch’s mid-powered hunting bow and Peep’s shortbow. However, the short bow arrows were light for her bow. While this would give her better range, they would not be packing the full punch that her bow was capable of delivering. As well, the hunting arrowheads, with their wide, barbed heads, were not good for piercing armor of any sort. He had no proper war arrows for Peep, Choke, and Knuckle’s full-powered war bows.
However, Gotthilf was not one to let a customer escape him so easily. Once he had a quick look at the custom arrows that Munn had made for Peep’s shortbow, he declared them easily replicated. As for the war arrows, he promised to deliver them with alacrity. The squad ordered ninety-six war arrows, and forty-eight custom shortbow arrows for Peep, all with bodkin arrowheads for punching through mail and leather armor. With a good feeling of Gotthilf’s earnestness as a merchant, the squad prepaid for their order, to be delivered to the church in Bristlehump as soon as possible. Gotthilf promised to send bundles of twenty-four to them as soon as they were finished.
With this business taken care of, the squad were then free to check out Bristlenook proper. There was not much to it. However, just off the wide field that served as village square, there was a tavern, which Gabe informed them was named, Lucky’s.
Lucky’s was a fine, bigger, single-story building made of good, stout, axe-squared lumber. On three of its sides, it had basically no walls, with there being removable shutters between the roof posts. This gave the place the feel of a wide-open pavilion. At the back, there was a proper bar, with a kitchen and small living quarters behind real walls for the tavernkeeper, Lucky, and his family.
Lucky seemed friendly enough when the squad tethered their horses and sat down at one of his longtables to order a round of ales for themselves and the few locals there. Peep stood by the bar and carefully watched Lucky draw the ales. The tavernkeeper was a tall, skinny man with an earnest, somewhat cretinous, air about him. His barmaid wife was a tiny little thing who seemed as frightened as a mouse.
“Nice place ye have here, Lucky,” Pinch said as they received their ales.
“Thank ye, sir. It does alright for us, I suppose.”
“Yeah, I like how open it is,” Peep said. “Ye can pretty much see everything there is to see around. Must be cold in winter though.”
“Well, it is a bit. But it shutters up pretty good, and there’s lots of firewood here.”
“Right. So: Lucky. That’s a fine handle. How’d ye get that?” Peep asked.
“Pardon me, miss? Get what?”
“Yar handle. Lucky. How’d ye earn that one?” Peep asked again.
“Oh. Right. Me name. That’s me name.”
“Yar name is Lucky? For real? Gotta be a story there.”
“Oh, yeah, there is.”
Peep and the rest of the squad stared at Lucky. He stared back.
“So…” Peep said.
Lucky nodded at her with his pleasant smile.
“What’s the story? If ye don’t mind.”
“The story, miss?”
“Of yar name. Why did they name ye Lucky?” Peep asked, her smile wide.
“Oh. Right. That story. Well, me family was killed by bandit raiders when I was just a baby in my mommy’s tummy. But the good friends could get me outta her before I died too. And so that was pretty lucky. Especially since it was bandits and not goblins, who will eat babies right outta their mommies’ tummies. Did ye know that? I heard that’s their favorite kinda food, it is. Tummy baby. Which is what I was. So’s it was pretty lucky that my mommy and daddy got killed by bandits and not goblins. And it was lucky that the good folk that found us could get me outta her tummy before I died too. So they named me Lucky.”
“Well, no doubt, Lucky. And how is it ye came to be running this place?”
“Well, it was Becky’s dad’s place, right? So, when he passed, I took it over. Yup!”
“Becky. That’s yar wife?”
“Yup!”
“Well, thank ye, Lucky. Lucky and Becky running the joint here in Bristlenook. I guess ye really are living up to yar name.”
“Yup! Thank ye, miss! Can I get ye anything to eat?”
“Oh, maybe just something to nibble on. Nuts and berries. Maybe some cheese and a bit of bread? And another round for the house,” Peep said, then draining her stein and handing it over to Lucky with a big burp.
As with the last round, the three men and one woman acknowledged the squad with deep nods and tipped brows, but they were not particularly friendly about it. However, whereas the villagers around Bristlehump had generally been hostile, these folk seemed only cautious and reserved.
Along with the next round of ale, Becky brought the squad two bowls of salted pine nuts mixed with a bits of dried, crumbly cheese. It was an excellent pairing with the fine ale. The squad enjoyed the mix as they nursed their ales and took in the view of the placid village. There was no talk, but that seemed to suit everyone in the tavern just fine.
Just as the squad were finishing their second ale, a beautiful magpie flew down into the tavern from above the roof. It adroitly pivoted in a dive to land on the vacant table next to the squad. There, it stretched out its wings to showcase its beautiful black and white plumage, which it proceeded to smooth out with its gleaming black, pointed beak. Finally, the magpie finished its grooming and squawked loudly at Peep.
“Yeah? Well, fuck you too, buddy!” Peep said to the magpie with a grin.
“Ack-ack-ack!” the magpie returned.
“Oh! Hello Nester!” Lucky called from the bar.
“Reck! Rarrrrrrrrrrrrk,” Nester said, in a low, rolling, guttural sound.
Lucky brought over another bowl of pine nuts and cheese, along with a small cup of ale and a saucer. He put everything down in front of the magpie and filled up the saucer with ale from the cup.
“Ack!” the magpie said.
“You’re welcome, Nester!” Lucky said as he returned to his bar.
“The fuck?” Knuckle said.
“Yark,” Nester said. He pecked some pine nuts and cheese out of the bowl and then crouched down low to lay his beak sideways into the saucer of ale and have a drink.
“Well okay, then. Cheers, buddy,” Peep said, raising her stein in a toast to the bird before draining it.
“Ack-ack-ack!” Nester exclaimed cheerfully, bobbing his head up and down manically.
“Hey, Lucky! I guess we’ll go another round!” Peep called to the bar, holding up her empty stein. “Never had a drink with no magpie before,” she then said to the table.
“We’re not getting drunk here,” Choke said, his voice low and serious.
“Why not? This thing is fuckin awesome!” Knuckle laughed as Nester drank more beer and croaked at him.
“Just remember where we are, and don’t get drunk. Stay alert. Anything could happen here. We’ll talk more on it later,” Choke said.
“So, what’s the story on Nester here, Lucky?” Peep asked when he brought over their ales. “I’ve known some bushrats to have trained these up as pets before, but I never heard of one drinking ale.”
“Well, miss, that’s because he aint a real magpie, that’s why! He’s a man! Or, he was,” Lucky said.
“Ack!” Nester agreed.
“So the bird here was a man before? What’s the story there?” Peep asked.
“Well, it was about ten years back, I reckon. There was a trapper named Nester out in the bush that took to carrying on with a sorceress out there in the Moondark Hills.”
“Carrying on?” Peep asked, looking well amused.
“Yes. In the bedroom fashion. On the regular. He was real proud of that, Nester was. Would tell anyone around all about it whether they wanted to know or not.”
“Ack-ack-ack!” Nester agreed loudly, bobbing his head up and down.
“Yeah! But it’s reckoned that he jilted her and made her cross, because one time he just up and disappeared when he was off to see her,” Lucky said.
“Aaarrrrrrrrrrrrrk,” Nester croaked mournfully.
“Yup! And then… and then, and then… when some fellers come back from looking for him, they find this magpie here at Nester’s place! And it followed them back here to town, and took a seat right here at Nester’s favorite seat! And it carried on real loud until we gave it some beer and pine-nuts. So everybody reckoned that the sorceress changed poor Nester into this bird here. Because, ye know, what else could explain it?” said Lucky.
“Yeah, beats me,” Peep said. “So, that Moondark sorceress: whatever became of her?”
“Oh, I dunno about that.”
“No one ever went out to have a word with her about it?”
“Oh, no. Nobody’s ever laid eye on her!” Lucky exclaimed.
“Ack!” said Nester.
“Wait… so the only reason ye suppose there was a sorceress in the first place was that Nester, the human, I mean, told everyone he was boning one out in the bush,” Pinch interjected.
“Yup!” agreed Lucky.
“Ack-ack-ack!” seconded Nester.
“Well okay, then. That’s… an interesting story, Lucky,” Pinch said.
“Yup!” agreed Lucky.
“Ack!” said Nester.
“One more thing, sir,” Choke said. “Does the bird live here in town, or does it just visit on occasion?”
“Yup!”
Choke sighed. “Yes to what question? Does it live in town?”
“Nope!”
“So it lives elsewhere and just visits.”
“Yup!”
“Do you know where it lives?”
“Yup!”
“Where does it live?”
“Up the way a bit at East Rock, mostly. But he does get around, Nester, he does,” Lucky said.
“Ack!” Nester agreed.
“Does he live with someone up at East Rock?” Choke asked.
“Yup!”
Choke sighed as he swallowed his frustration, while Peep, Pinch, and Knuckle all giggled at his expense.
“Who does he live with at East Rock?” Choke asked.
“That’s Diya’s place up there.”
“Diya is a woman? Does she live alone?”
“Yup! And… yup!
“Ack! Ack-ack-ack!” Nester exclaimed tersely.
“Oh! Right! Sorry, Nester! She does not live alone. She lives with Nester!” said Lucky.
“Ack!” agreed Nester.
“So Diya lives alone in the woods nearby with this bird. And I suppose that she’s an herbalist, midwife, and a healer,” Choke said darkly.
“Yup! Ye know her, do ye?” Lucky asked brightly.
“No. But I have been educated on her type.”
“She also grows wicked bud and shrooms!”
“I am sure that she does. Well, thank you for everything, Lucky. You have been most helpful,” Choke said. He flipped the tavernkeeper a large copper to cover the round of ales with a generous tip.
“Thank ye, sir!” Lucky said, bobbing his head and tapping his brow before going back to his bar with his empty tray.
“Be careful of what you say around this bird,” Choke said in a low voice once Lucky was gone.
“You think it’s a familiar?” Pinch asked, his humor faded to concern.
“Probably. Or, possibly, a powerful druid or spellcaster in an altered form. We’ll discuss it later.”
“Ack!” said Nester.
Choke stared back at it. Eventually, it was Nester that broke eye contact and had another bite to eat from his bowl of pine nuts and cheese. Then he drank the rest of the ale from his saucer. When he was done that, he tapped the cup of ale next to it with his beak.
“Ack!” Nester said loudly.
He tapped the cup of ale three more times.
“Ack-ack-ack!” he said. Then he pecked the center of his saucer rather forcefully.
“Yeah, okay, buddy. Keep yar shirt on!” Peep said cheerfully as she stood up to fill up Nester’s saucer from the cup.
“Ack! Raarrrrrrrrrrrrrrk.” Nester thanked her, bobbing his head.
“No worries, dood,” Peep replied.
The squad sat quietly and nursed their ales as they watched Nester enjoy his. Then, the magpie straightened up in alert and tilted his head to the side in a posture of listening carefully.
“Ack,” he said. Then he hopped to the end of the table and flapped out of the tavern. He flew off somewhat unsteadily, it seemed, as he almost crashed into a nearby cottage’s thatched roof.
“Okay, bye Nester!” Peep waved as he left. She then turned to Choke: “Okay. So… yar thinking that Diya is a witch and that bird is her familiar?”
Before Choke could respond, Pinch gave a low hiss of alert and nodded his head towards half a dozen people that had just appeared, coming around the side of a nearby cottage. As the squad all put their hands on their bows, they saw it was none other than Thad Swallowtail and some of his followers.
As with the last time they had seen him, Thad appeared before them the embodiment of sexual promiscuity, as though he had been rendered in man flesh by some goddess of lust. He had with him two of his dancing vixens, another pair of women slightly more normal looking, and a man. They were not dancing and singing, nor were they garlanded in flowers, but they moved as though, in their hearts, they were.
“Ack! Ack-ack-ack!” came Nester’s loud and strident call from somewhere nearby.
“Woah! And a good day to you, Nester!” Thad called, waving up towards the tavern’s roof.
Nester came into sight as he flew from the roof straight towards Thad and his people. As he flew over top of them, the magpie squirted a thick stream of shit at Thad. The women shrieked and flailed as Thad, quite athletically, dropped into a low crouch to avoid the attack.
“Woah!” Thad yelled at Nester.
“Ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack. Ack!” Nester yelled back as he flew off.
“Not cool, man! Not cool!” Thad yelled as the women continued to wail and jiggle about in distress.
There was indeed much to be distressed about. One of the women behind had taken almost the full load right in the chest, and a nearby vixen had gotten some splashback in her hair. The group went with the victims to the creek where they could wash up, after which the six of them had a long group hug to recover from the ordeal. For a moment it seemed this might evolve into some manner of group sex frolic, but Thad remembered himself just in time and shepherded his people to Lucky’s tavern.
“Oh man,” Peep said low as they entered.
Thad was dressed just as he had been the week before, in a small embroidered vest and loose-fitting, thin, drawstring linen pants. The pants were completely unable to hide Thad’s enormous erection, which was swaying and bobbing around like a pole under a tent whose guylines were loose in a windstorm.
“That bird, man! He gets so unruly when he drinks! That was way not cool!” Thad said as he took a seat at a table next to the squad’s. His people joined him, with the two vixens taking up their stations at his sides.
“I thought it was pretty funny, actually,” Peep said. “So, how are ye doing, Thad?”
“Oh, I can’t complain. All sunshine and love here, man! Oh, hey, Lucky! We’ll have ales all around. That’d be sweet, my dood!” Thad said to the tavernkeeper before turning his gorgeous smile Choke’s way. “So, what brings you righteous people to Bristlenook on this glorious day?”
“We just thought we should check it out, finally. Is your place nearby?” Choke asked mildly.
“Oh, for sure, dood. For sure! We’re just a bit east, man. You should come and check it out, dood! Everyone’s welcome! We’ll turn that frown upside down in no time!” Thad said.
“We’ll see,” Choke said.
Lucky returned then, bringing Thad and his company their ales. Overjoyed, Thad reacted as though he had completely forgotten he had just ordered them.
“Woah! Thank you so much, man! Beauty! You know, man, you are a lovely, wonderful human, Lucky! You and Becky both. Such precious treasures, man!”
“Thank ye, Thad. So, I guess these’ll go on yar tab, then?” Lucky said, looking less enthused at Thad’s compliments than might be expected.
“Oh, for sure, man! For sure! That would be awesome, my dood! Alright! And ye know what else? You and the missus should come around our place for another group massage, man! It’s been too long!”
Instead of replying, Lucky just turned his back on Thad and left. Thad gave no indication of noticing.
“Oh… Thad,” Peep said, her voice a caricature of disappointment. “Ye fucked Becky, didn’t ye, ye dog.”
“Woah, my dood! What happens in a snuggle cuddle pit stays in the snuggle cuddle pit. Oily snuggles are a private communion between participants, not to be used in some kind of heavy trip of jealousy later on, man!”
“Yeah, that’s convenient,” Peep said.
“For sure, man! Alright!” Thad agreed.
“So, Thad, I’m wondering something,” Peep said.
“Far out, man!”
“Yeah. Yar always high as fuck, right?”
“Oh, for sure, my dood. For sure!”
“That’s what I thought. Weed and shrooms, right?” Peep asked.
“No doubt.”
“Peep…” Choke interjected, his tone a teacher’s caution.
“Choke. Our Altarian friend here is right: ye do need to chill out. So, do yar best to do that and let me work, okay?” Peep said. She then turned back to Thad:
“Now, Thad, I’m guessing that what yar on is some pretty heavy, wicked shit. So how’s about sharing some of that love with yar fellow man? Namely: me.”
“What? Oh! Like, you want some weed and shrooms, man?” Thad asked.
“Exactly. I wanna get some of that love, dood! Without any of ye trying to rub and touch on me, mind. I can get loose in my own way. But, I gotta tell ye, my weed is running low and what I have is getting pretty dry. So I’d appreciate it if ye could hook me up, man. We’re in funds, so I’ve no problem paying ye coin money.”
“Oh, dooood! Ye don’t need to do that! Just come on back to my place and we’ll smoke up and pop some buttons, man! For sure! Get so charred and toasted, dood! Alright!”
“No. Thanks. We’re not going to be hanging out together. That’s not how I ride. But I most definitely need me some of what you’ve been having. On the weed and shrooms front, I mean,” Peep said gesturing towards the two vixens stroking Thad. They stared back at Peep with big, stoned eyes like fauns that had only ever known the touch of the loving sun and their mother’s tongue.
“Oh, dood! You four are so uptight, man! You need to unwind, my people. Come up to the place and stroke the groove with us! Alright? Alright! It’s not about some kind of money trip, man! It’s about community and love and sunshine and rain and love and community and moist grass between your toes and sunshine and all that my people. Alright!”
“So yar not gonna sell me yar shit?” Peep asked, her tone menacing. She then switched back to her light mockery of Thad’s odd patterns of speech to continue: “Yar gonna make me keep on with these heavy assholes without anything to mellow me out? Come on, man! That aint cool! And if it aint about the money, then do it for the vibrations, Thad! Help me get on the same vibration as you. But like, in a different location completely where I don’t gotta slice anyone up like venison for trying to rub on me. Right?”
“Woah! Little Wolf! You are just blowing my mind right now, dood! You mean, like, if I give you the shit to get you high just like me, then maybe we’ll be able to get onto the same vibration, but in different places? That is deep! Far out, man!”
“Yeah, I know, right? And I’ll tell ye what: if you do that, and make it a good pouch so that I can keep that vibration going for a good, long while, then I’ll pay off yar whole bar tab here at Lucky’s. So, that way, there can be harmony all around. Nothing about coin, but just keeping everything smooth and soft and nice, just the way ye like it. Right?”
“Woah… that’s righteous, my dood. Little Wolf, you are a special mind! Far out!”
“Oh, ye have no idea,” Peep said real low. “So, ye gonna hook me up, or what?”
Thad nodded and had the man with him run to get his, “happy sack,” from his place. While the man did that, Peep went to the bar to settle up Thad’s significant bar tab. This did not dent her heavily, since the squad was now bordering on wealthy by country bumpkin standards. When the happy sack was brought, Thad loaded Peep up with big, pungent buds of marijuana and a fine assortment of hallucinogenic fungi. Well pleased, Peep packed this all up in her saddlebags.
With this done, and the squad committed not to get drunk or high in Bristlenook, their visit began to wind down as they finished their ales. However, just as they were, there was the sound of horses approaching from the south. Everyone looked that way to see Sneed and his three men ride into view.
Thad’s head rolled back on his shoulders as he groaned in despair.
“Oh, woah, dood! Bummer, man! These doods are way uncool, my doods. Dark vibrations. Real assholes, man,” Thad said, keeping his voice low.
Peep laughed. “Woah, Thad, is some real harsh, unloving language, my dood. Don’t tell me they’re harshing yar mellow.”
“Oh yeah, Little Wolf, they do that, my friend. Most extreme harshening of mellows by these cats, dood. Not cool. But we’re all children under the loving eyes of Altas, right? So we just gotta do our best to win them around to our way of thinking with peace and love and good vibrations!” Thad finished, his mood rallying somewhat.
Sneed’s crew rode through Bristlenook towards Lucky’s tavern. When they noticed the squad’s horses, and then the squad, they reined up. At a range of about twenty meters, the two groups of warriors eyeballed each other.
Choke and the others were still seated, but with their bows in hand and their fingers in their quivers. They all had good angles on the mounted men out in the wide-open village yard.
Sneed and his three men all had their bows in their saddle cases and were clearly caught by surprise. Their horses were not exhausted, but were lathered in sweat. The dust of the road on the horses was highlighted by the splashes of water from their multiple crossings of the creek.
In that tense moment, it was Thad that took control of the situation. He stood up and raised both his hands high.
“Welcome back, my serious doods! We have guests from the church in Bristlehump here today! Let’s all be cool and sit down together. Alright? Alright!”
Sneed and his men stared at Thad and the squad both. Then Sneed said something quietly to his men and raised his hand in acknowledgement of Thad. The four killers rode slowly over to the tavern to tether their horses and take a seat at a free table.
Muse Vassal 