Table of Contents – (spoilers)
The squad went back to the cemetery and were soon working up a good sweat. It was almost lunchtime by the time Shasta arrived.
Leading a cute little hinny with a laden pack saddle around the path from the church front, Shasta was followed by the two children, who excitedly began shrieking and running around the cemetery.
“Heard ye had some excitement last night,” Shasta said, letting the hinny’s lead rope drop to the ground near the kitchen door. She walked over to have a look at the three corpses. “Okay… Yup! That’s Falin, alright. And I think this one here is… let me think… yeah, this is Mills. Don’t know this fella’s name, but he looks familiar.”
“So, you know them,” Pinch said to her as the squad came back into the churchyard. They left their tools where they had been working and brought their bows and quivers with them.
“Oh yeah! They’re rough and ready lads. They mostly keep themselves up past Bristlenook.”
“Bristlenook?” Peep asked.
“The village up Bristle Crick about three clicks. It’s pretty much the last civilization before ye start getting into the Moondark Hills. That’s where that fuckin Solluna priest has set himself up,’ Shasta hawked and spat on the ground.
By this time, the kids had noticed the adults standing around the corpses at the shed.
“Bodies!” the boy yelled excitedly. Both he and his sister collected sticks and ran over to disturb the flies buzzing around the corpses’ eyes and to poke at the beetles that were now crawling in and out of their ears, noses, and mouths.
“Anyways,” Shasta continued, “I figured ye must be feeling a bit lonesome up here, so I brought ye some supplies. Nothing fancy mind, but I’m sure it’ll do ye. Warsh up now, and I’ll get lunch set.”
Shasta unpacked the hinny and threw together a fast and simple, but savory, lunch of good, moist bread, cheese, and cured venison. There was nothing to drink but well water, but that seemed to suit everyone but Shasta just fine.
“So, about yar provisions here,” Shasta said with her mouth full, “I’m gonna get Sally to bring up what ye need every couple of days. She’s one of our tenants. Ye tell her what ye need. And ye tell her to get Babs to bring up a keg of ale. Ye need something proper to drink besides fuckin water. What are we here, a bunch of bushrats?”
Shasta glared at the jug of well water for a long moment before continuing:
“But, whatever ye do, don’t be getting nothing from the tavern here,” Shasta stabbed her finger in the direction of the village square. That Royce is a sour and salty cunt, with his airs and sneers like his shit don’t stink like everyone else’s. We don’t do business with him!”
“Pardon me, Ma’am…” Choke began.
“Shasta! I told ye boys to call me Shasta, didn’t I?”
“Yes you did. I’m sorry. So, Shasta, these provisions, we will be paying Sally for these, yes?”
Shasta goggled at him.
“No! Ye will not!” she barked. “Yar our church lads here, are ye not? Come to help us tame the heathen in these wilds! So, if that’s so, then as the Brother’s housekeeper, and the parish custodian, it’s my duty to see to it that yar provisioned by the parish. Is that not all so?”
“I guess it is, Shasta,” Peep said. “Assuming that we’re official church goons now.”
“Well of course ye are! Yar here in the church killing heathens come in the night, aren’t ye?”
“Yeah, that we are. We just had some concern that Brother Barrelmender, your… employer, wouldn’t see it that way,” Peep said.
“Well, this morning he aint seeing anything but the underside of the bench he passed out under last night,” Shasta said.
“And how do you think he might favor this situation when he wakes up?” Pinch asked.
“Well, he won’t be hearing a thing about it until tomorrow, when he’s in a better state, let me tell ye. Then, I suppose he’ll go along with whatever I put to him, so long as it doesn’t mean he has to get too active about it,” Shasta said.
“Okay then, Shasta,” Peep said, cracking her knuckles as she settled into a negotiating posture. “What we’ve been thinking is that things would work out best for all of us, you and the Brother included, if Bartholomew here could be made the Brother’s apparitor. That’s what it’s called, right Bartholomew?”
Glowering at Peep and Shasta both, Choke eventually nodded.
“Right. The Brother’s apparitor. To serve as his man to execute his orders as Bristlehump’s magistrate. Us three would be Bartholomew’s deputies,” Peep said.
Shasta nodded thoughtfully at this. “Yeah. I could see that working for us. Keeping everything on the legal. Thing is, if yar gonna be executing his orders, that means the Brother will have to be giving them. And I’m sure there’ll be some writing to do getting ye all sworn in right and proper. Let me tell ye, that’s gonna take some work.”
Shasta paused with a pained expression. It was only when Peep began to speak that Shasta resumed, cutting her off:
“Now, I aint saying it can’t be done. I think I’ll be able to get him to see the sense of it. That, in the long run, having the four of ye on officially will mean less bother for him. Seeing as yar gonna be here stirring shit up anyways. But, it aint gonna be easy. On me or him.”
“We understand that, Shasta,” Peep said. “But I’m sure that ye won’t mind the extra effort. Seeing as Brother Barrelmender was so kind as to take you and yar little ones on after the death of their father. What was his name?”
“Alan.”
“Right. Alan. Who died and left ye widowed with his two children. And how kind Brother Barrelmender was to take ye on as his housekeeper and the Church’s custodian. I think we all can agree to that,” Peep said.
“I dunno. Can we?” Shasta asked, looking over the three Pekot men.
“Can we what?” Choke returned.
“Can we all agree that it was kind indeed that Brother Barrelmender took me on as his housekeeper and the parish custodian after my Alan died and left me widowed with his two children? Alan’s children, I mean. Can ye agree to that?” Shasta asked Choke.
“Yes, I suppose I can,” Choke sighed.
“Good. And ye two?” Shasta asked Pinch and Knuckle.
“Sure. Yeah,” Pinch said.
“Wait now,” Knuckle said. “What are we talking about here? So, we’re gonna say that them two kids are not Barrelmender’s. That ye didn’t seduce Barrelmender and have two bastards by him after yar Alan boyfriend died. We’re saying that all aint what happened. That Alan was yar husband, and ye’ve just been running things for Barrelmender all innocent as a widow servant, like Mrs Dunn for Morrenthall in Spitzer. That’s what we’re saying?”
“Yes, Knucklehead. That’s what we’re saying,” Peep said.
“Okay. And in return, she’s gonna promise to get Barrelmender to make Choke his apparitor. And then we can boss around Lieutenant Dixon and whoever else, all legal, like. That’s the deal?”
“Yes. That is the deal,” Peep answered.
“Well, okay then. I’ll agree to that. But I’m telling ye right now, I aint gonna lie to Father Morrenthall, or any other real priest about this shit. He gets near me with that flaming hand of his, and I’m telling him the truth,” Knuckle said emphatically.
“Theodas makes a good point,” Choke said. “This little contrivance will work only so far as people that matter allow it to. If anyone takes exception, the truth will come to light immediately. You understand this, don’t you?” Choke asked Shasta.
She shrugged. “Well, it’s worth a try, aint it? If ye lot do a good job out here, according to them that matter, then I don’t think any of them will do any digging. Aint one of them come up here yet to turn over any rocks, have they?”
“Clearly not,” Choke said. “So with that being so, I am willing to keep my mouth shut about your story. But like Theodas said, I’ll not lie about it.”
“Well, as long as ye don’t go out of yar way to fink us out, that’ll be good enough for me, I suppose,” Shasta said.
With this settled, Shasta stood up from the table and began clearing the remains of their lunch. Her two children sat quietly and watched her and the squad solemnly. Whether they understood the specifics of their sudden change of paternity or not, they had a strong sense that they had been the subjects of an important discussion amongst the grown-ups and were still quite offput about it.
“Alright then,” Shasta said as she finished up putting the wooden platters and plates away without a wash, “we’ll be off. What’s yar plan for the next day or two?”
“Well, I think we will stay close to the church and deal with the bodies,” Choke said. “Then we’ll probably start going out on some short patrols to get a sense of the lay of the land. You say the men were from out past a place called Bristlenook?”
“Yeah, that’s right. Just head up the main track by our place and it’s just a few clicks further up the crick.”
“Do you think anyone will come to claim the bodies? Or should we start digging a hole?”
Shasta thought about this for a bit before answering:
“That scum? I can’t imagine they have any sort of kin that would give a shit about them, in this life or the next. So ye may as well get to digging. And even if someone does come for them, it can’t hurt to have a good hole dug anyway, right? Ye’ll have someone to put into it soon enough, I expect.”
The squad chuckled at this.
“Okay then, we’re off,” Shasta said, giving her kids a shove out the door. “I’ll send Sally and Babs up to ye to keep ye provisioned. Don’t go paying them, neither. They’re our tenants and it’s our due. I’ll settle accounts with them myself. Right?”
“Yes, ma’am!” Knuckle said happily. “It was Babs that’s the ale lady, ye said, right?”
“Oh, indeed. One of the best around. Okay, that’s it. If ye need anything just come on down to the cottage.”
“Will do,” Peep said. “Oh, by the way, is there anyone here in town that might be reliable as a messenger?”
“I wouldn’t bet my life on it, no. Which is the position yar in here, right? So, no,” Shasta said.
“Well thank you for all yar help. We’ll see ye soon, I’m sure,” Peep said.
The rest of the squad nodded and grunted goodbyes as Shasta left to wrangle her hinny and kids out of the church yard and on the way back home.
The squad got back to work in the graveyard. They soon managed to finish up with the weeds and grass, so set to digging a shared grave for the three raiders.
In graveyards such as Bristlehump church’s, the convention was to have a section devoted to unmarked graves for the various scum that had to be dealt with. Of course, over the years there was not nearly enough space for this. The convention was to dig the graves in orderly rows down the plot until all the space was used, and then to return back to the start to begin again. This allowed the full decomposition of the bodies to bone before digging them up to share their grave. Over the years, these remains would all mix together into a jumble of bones and earth. With the graves being in consecrated ground, this would cause the souls no trouble, one way or the other, and it was thought that such a rough mingling of bodies was not unfitting for the sorts of people that wound up in such a place.
The Bristlehump graveyard had not been in use for a few years. While this meant they could not tell where the most recent graves had been dug, it also meant that it did not matter. Wherever they dug their hole, whatever remains they would be digging up would be sure to be skeletal. So they measured out a patch at the nearest side of the unmarked plot just big enough for the three fellows and got to digging. With the Bristlehump graveyard being an old one, they began getting loose bones almost immediately. The diggers did their best to damage the bones as little as possible, but otherwise paid them no mind.
The squad were about halfway down to the conventional meter and half depth when they were interrupted by the sound of singing. They stopped their digging to look around. There was nothing to see, but the sound of many voices raised in song was approaching the village square from the north. Being in the graveyard, the squad had a good view of the north end of the square and the lane from the watchtower and the north gate. They were just able to get out of the hole and pick up their bows and quivers by the time the singing procession appeared.
Four maidens, barefoot in flowing sundresses led the way. With garlands of spring wildflowers in their hair and around their necks, they danced into the square, swaying and twirling this way and that with their hands in the air. Their selection as vanguard for the procession had obviously not been random; all four were gorgeous in face and form, and their every motion dripped sensuality.
Following the maidens came the procession’s leader. He was a tall man walking barefoot with a wooden staff. His form, too, was beautiful, and he walked in an easy, unaffected manner. His hair was flowing and long. His features and beard were beautiful. Upon his head was a garland of flowers like a crown. Wearing only a loose pair of linen breaches and a small vest, open at the chest, the man’s abs and pectorals were on full display. They were marvelous.
Following the beautiful leader came the singers. There were about fifty men, women, and children, walking in a loose column, about three or four wide. Many of them held bouquets of wildflowers. Their song seemed to be a variant of the standard hymn, “Altas Raise Our Souls to Thee.” As choirs went, they were poor, but there was no denying the feeling many of the singers were putting into the performance.
The procession came through the village square. The merchants and their people came out to watch, as did the villagers who were not out at work.
“They’re not armed,” Pinch said.
The squad quickly went to wash up in the big bucket by the well, and Choke put his robes back on with his swordbelt overtop. None of the folk came back to the churchyard. Rather, they seem to have stopped in the square in front of the church, and were continuing their song.
Choke led the other three through the kitchen and into the church. He hesitated in the pews. The double doors were still wide open, and the congregation’s hymn outside in the square could be heard clearly. They seemed to be repeating themselves.
“They are unarmed,” Choke confirmed with the others. “No one saw any weapons at all. Right?”
Pinch and Peep nodded. Knuckle shrugged.
“Okay, then. Let’s leave our bows and quivers in the back pews,” Choke said. “When we get out there, I’ll do the talking. Pinch, if you feel like I’m missing something, feel free to interject. Knuckle and Peep, hang back and keep your mouths shut. Okay? We don’t need to be aggravating this situation.”
“Hey, we can be nice, ye know,” Peep said with a false pout.
“Yeah, by keeping yar mouths shut,” Pinch said.
Choke stepped out onto the wide church steps with Pinch, Peep, and Knuckle spread out just a step behind him. Out in the square, the procession had clumped up into a crowd. With his back to the church, their leader was facing his people on the second church step from the bottom. The four vixens danced and writhed between him and his congregation. Their efforts would be laughable to any with knowledge of real dancing, but they were in no peril of being found out in this company. The blatant eroticism of their performance, however, was intense. This prooved a brain melting experience for the Pekot lads when combined with the otherwise religious happening.
When Choke and the others emerged from the church, the congregation’s song faltered and slowly stopped. The last singer, a woman who was really belting it out (off-key) with her eyes closed, stopped abruptly as those next to her jostled her into silence.
The bearded man turned around to gaze up at the squad and raised his arms high as he did, with his staff in his right hand.
“Oh! Here you are! Wow! Wow. Blacks robes and all! Heavy, man!”
The man beamed the squad a dazzling smile of perfect teeth in his perfect face. Then he turned back around to beam his congregation with the same, his arms still raised high.
“They’re here, everyone! Now let’s be cool and welcome these nice people as our guests! Alright? Yeah!”
The four vixens, who had wilted when the man had turned his back on them, now oozed like kittens on a fur blanked in front of a hearth in winter.
The man turned back and walked up the steps to the squad. The vixens behind him frowned up at them as though they were statues made of dog shit. The rest of the congregation stared upwards in eerie silence.
“Alright! Alright, you must be Bartholomew, man! Yeah!” the man said as he reached the top step with Choke and the others. He transferred his staff into his left hand to present his right to Choke.
Choke hesitated just a second before shaking the man’s hand. Up close, the man was even more beautiful. His chiseled body had been oiled, and it glistened in the sunshine. Most distractingly, his very loose and light linen drawstring pants were settled just under his hip bones and only barely over his pubic bone. His thick, long cock dangled right there in front of them like a big piece of rope, clearly outlined under the thin fabric of his pants.
Nestled in the trough between the man’s glorious pectorals was a simple wooden holy symbol on a rawhide chord: a disk carved into the image of the sun. Having been warned of a Solluna Union priest operating in the area, Choke had little doubt that on the opposite side of the disk was a moon. Solluna Union was a heretical sect that believed in a divine union of sun and moon, the masculine and feminine, into one divine being. On them, the Stronians were clear: they were to be burned alive and sent to hell.
“Righteous, man! Righteous! I’m Thad Swallowtail, man! Nice to meet you. It is Bartholomew, isn’t it?”
“Uh, yes. Right. Thad Swallowtail, you say,” Choke said as he shook the man’s hand.
“Yeah! Yeah, man! Just call me Thad, though. Alright? Alright! Beauty!”
Now having been up close to the fabulous Thad Swallowtail for a while, there was even more going on with him to trouble Choke. Firstly, there was his smell. The first hit when he had approached was that of pungent marijuana. This scent was further infused with a heady blend of herbs and the unmistakable aroma of pussy. When Thad had leaned in to shake his hand, Choke had realized the pussy smell was mostly coming from Thad’s beard.
Added to the olfactory assault was Thad’s use of language. Just as the combination of the vixens with the traditional Altarian hymn had been surreal and disturbing, Thad’s inane choice of words clashed with his accent. At the Pekot orphanage, Choke and the others had occasionally had the opportunity to listen to visiting Brothers speak, some of whom were highly educated and from Strana, the kingdom’s capital. Further, the lads had all visited Strana, and Choke had spent about an hour speaking with a student of the Mage Tower, who had also spoken in just such a manner. There was no mistaking it: Thad was from Strana and, at a minimum, had been educated as a nobleman.
Finally, there was Thad’s staff, which was intricately carved, and quite pornographic. A natural motif of vines and leaves incorporated multiple human figures in various sexual positions, and numerous pairs of floral cocks and pussies were hard at it with each other.
Having introduced himself to Choke, Thad next offered his hand to Knuckle:
“Hey, big man, who are you, today?” he asked.
“Theodas,” Knuckle said as he shook it limply.
“Theodas! Beauty! That’s awesome, man! And you would be…” Thad pivoted gracefully Pinch’s way.
“Nikolas.”
“Yeah! Nikolas! Alright! Holy Book names all around! Righteous, man! Righteous! Stron’s riders come again! Woah! Look out!” Thad startled comically away from the squad as though in a sudden fright. On cue, his people below laughed at the antic.
“I’m just joking around. Come on, man!” Thad leaned in Choke’s way. “Have a laugh, man! It’s free! It aint gonna hurt ye! Turn that frown upside down, man! It’s all good!”
“Thank you. No,” Choke said, his menacing glower deepening.
“Well, alright then, man. Suit yourself! More sunshine and laughter for the rest of us! Am I right?” Thad asked his congregation.
“Yeah!” they shouted back.
“Show them yar love, Thad!” a woman yelled from the crowd.
“I have already! It’s like this beautiful sunshine we’re all standing in! A gift from Altas! But I’m just joking, everyone! There’s always laughter and sunshine for everyone! That’s the beauty of it, right? It never runs out!”
“Yeah it does,” Peep said loudly.
Thad’s happy face froze and glazed over as Peep attracted his attention. He had yet to look at her, and very much looked as though he would rather not. There was no avoiding it, however, so he took a deep breath and turned to beam his sunshine and love her way.
“Well, I suppose that all depends on your vibrations, doesn’t it, wolf pup?” Thad said.
“Uh-huh. Ye aint gonna shake my hand, Thad?” Peep asked, taking a step towards him as she extended her palm.
Thad’s eyes flared in horror as he beheld the Wheel brand and the energy it housed. To his credit, he hid this well as she shouted, “Of course!” for the benefit of the congregation.
Leaning in, Thad quickly grabbed her wrist to give her arm a quick pump, thus avoiding touching the brand as he performed what must have looked like a handshake for his people out in the square.
“So, Mr Swallowtail, it seems you are a priest,” Choke said as Thad quickly retreated from Peep. “Should we call you, Father?”
“Oh no! Call me Thad, please! We’re all the same in the loving light of Altas, man! Right on!” Thad called out loud.
“Thaaaaaad!” came the orgasmic cry from some woman in the crowd.
Choke sighed. “Yes. Well, we had heard that there was a Solluna Union priest operating in Bristlenook. That would be you, wouldn’t it?”
“Woah, my dood! When you put on those black robes, you really wear them, don’t you, Bartholomew? Well, man, let me tell you, one man of God to another: that is a specious accusation. Pure rumor, my brother. There is no Solluna Union about it, man! I’m a man of Altas, and I am all about love! Sunshine and love! What could be better? Am I right?” Thad asked the crowd, which responded with predictable enthusiasm.
“Beauty!” Thad returned.
“But you are the priest operating out of Bristlenook, are you not?” Choke pressed.
“Yeah, man! For sure! But there’s none of that moon business going on with us, man! That’s just rumors spread by uptight people that would rather hate than love. Small-minded people that are jealous that my way of bringing the light to the good people is more popular that theirs. You feel me?” Thad said, his beatific smile never once fading.
“Okay, then. What can we do for you, Thad?” Choke asked.
“Alright, man! Alright! Yeah, let’s get on with it, right? We all have things to do today. No doubt! Beauty!” Thad said, stopping to look over his four vixens as he licked his lips.
“So, you were saying?” Choke asked eventually.
“What? Oh, right! My bad, man! My bad! Yeah! Alright! Well, it is a sad thing that brings us here today, my man. We want to take our three brothers back with us so that I can send them up to Altas properly, right? That would be sweet, dood.”
“Ah. You’re here to claim the bodies of the three bandits we killed last night,” Choke said.
“Yeah, well, if you want to put it all harsh like that, man, then I guess so. You gotta mellow yourself out, my dood!”
“No. Thank you. About the bandits: are any of their family members with you?”
“Oh, no, man! They aren’t the sort to have family. But they are from out our way, and they are children of Altas, just like the rest of us. So, it’s the least we can do. So, can you be cool about it and let us do right by them in accordance with the desire of the community we serve? That would be righteous, man!”
“It’s fine. You can have them,” Choke said.
“That’s awesome, my dood! You are way less uptight than I heard, man! Yeah! Beauty! What?” Thad asked, his beaming smile clouding over a little in puzzlement.
Choke and Thad stared at each other expectantly.
“Yeah?” Thad asked again.
“I didn’t say anything,” Choke answered.
“Oh. Righteous, man! Righteous!”
They stared at each other a while more.
“So…” Choke said, “you can go ahead and take those bodies. They’re around back by the stable.”
“Oh! Right! Yeah! My bad, man! Yeah, sometimes I space out a little. Alright!”
“Yeah, it’s probably all the weed and shrooms, huh?” Peep interjected.
“Yeah, no doubt, man.”
“So, Thad, as long as yar here, can I ask ye something?” Peep asked.
“For sure, dood! Alright!”
“Great. So, just now ye said that ye wanna do right by them dead guys, by giving a proper send off to Altas, whatever that means.”
“Far out.”
“So, let’s just say that my aim was a little off last night and one of them showed up at yar place with an arrow through his shoulder. What then?” Peep asked
“Yeah, that would be a bummer, man.”
“No doubt, man! For sure!” Peep said with her cheeky grin, mimicking Thad’s words and odd lilting tones. “But what I mean is, since he’s part of yar community, and all, ye’d heal him up and send him on his way. Right?”
Thad looked troubled now.
“And I’m guessing that all the other bandits and bushrats around here would know that yar the type to do that for their sort. No questions asked. Right?” Peep asked pointedly.
“Yeah, well, I don’t know about all that, man. I, uhh… I mean, like, what heavy cats like that are thinking is not a vibration I take on, right? I’m not going to harsh my mellow like that, dood. I’m all about sunshine and love, and that’s for everyone! Am I right?” Thad called out to his flock again, who cheered him manically. “Yeah! Beauty! I love all of you sooooo much!”
The crowd went completely crazy at this, leaping up and down a jiggling all over the place. Even the assembled villagers and merchants at their periphery looked to be swept up in it.
“Okay, Thad, it was good talking to ye,” Peep said when things settled down. “Ye can send yar people around back to pick them boys up now.”
“Oh, right. Righteous, dood! Alright! Yeah!”
Peep elbowed Knuckle. “Theodas, why don’t me and you go out back and make sure that all goes smooth, huh? Bartholomew and Nikolas can stay out front and suck up the love. I’m about full.”
Just over a dozen of Thad’s followers came around back of the church to get the bodies. They brought with them a pair of poles for each body, along with coils of woven grass chord. They quickly lashed the bodies to the poles to create a kind of stretcher and carried them back around to the front. None of the folk interacted with Peep or Knuckle at all during this. There was no hostility to their attitude, though; it was just as though the two were invisible.
Back out front, Peep and Knuckle rejoined Choke, Pinch, and Thad on the church steps. Down below, the bodies were laid carefully on the ground. The flock stood around them and patiently waited for Thad.
“Alright, my people! Alright! Thanks for being so cool about this! Righteous!” Thad proclaimed joyously.
“Yeah, for sure man! Have a beauty day!” Peep said.
“For sure! Well, any time you all want for some sunshine and love, feel free to come and find us in Bristlenook, man! Everyone is welcome, just as long as they aren’t bringing any harsh vibrations with them.”
“Yeah, for sure, Thad. We’ll take ye up on that,” Peep said, her lilting mockery of Thad’s speech now replaced with her level menace.
Thad looked like he was going to shake their hands again, but he suddenly remembered Peep and her brand and simply waved manically as he descended the steps to his flock.
The four vixens hugged and danced and writhed around Thad as he rejoined them, allowing him the chance to feel them up a bit as they went to the head of the procession that formed for the return to Bristlenook. The singers took up song again, along with the new burden of the corpses, and the dancing vixens led the way out of the square, heading north.
The squad stood on the steps and watched them go. When their singing could no longer be heard, and the merchants and villagers had returned to their business, Pinch was the first to speak:
“That is the leader of the heretics around here? If yar gonna judge someone by the quality of their enemies, Barrelmender should be fucking ashamed of himself.”
Muse Vassal 