Table of Contents – (spoilers)
The squad went hard at it in the cemetery with rakes and sickles they had found in the shed. It was a hot morning for spring, so they were all unarmored and sweating in their tunics. Even so, they remained cautious. They kept their weaponbelts on and their bows and quivers nearby.
It was a good ninety minutes into this groundskeeping by the time Lieutenant Dixon found his way to them. He was with the same battleaxe goon he had been with the day before, as well as two other men.
The four of them came around the side of the church and Dixon called:
“Hello? Ah, there you are. We stuck our head into the church, but no one answered.”
“Welcome, Lieutenant,” Choke said, straightening up. “Thank you for coming. Just give us a minute to wash up and we will be right with you. Make yourselves comfortable in the pews, if you want.”
The men took a moment to look over the three corpses by the shed before heading back out to the front of the church.
Choke and the others washed up quickly with well water and had a drink. Choke put his robes back on and belted his weapon belt overtop of them.
Inside the church there were introductions and hand shaking all around. The battleaxe goon with Dixon was identified as Sergeant Wagner. The two men with him were, Bob, the lead foreman for the freight depot, and his security boss, Sneed.
Bob was a big, burly man with a bit of a paunch. He was dressed ruggedly as a mule driver, with a shortsword and a thick, leather ox-clout on his belt. Sneed was a nasty-looking bushrat with a big slash scar on his face. He held a longbow and had a quiver in a shoulder rig he set down in the pew next to him. On his belt was a handaxe, shortsword, and buck knife. He looked the type to collect body part trophies from his kills.
When everyone was seated, Choke said:
“Thank you for coming, Lieutenant. I assume you are responding to the church bell.”
“Yes. I was heading up this way, and I ran into Bob here, who was thinking about doing likewise.”
“That’s right,” Bob said. “We’d just heard the rumors about last night. We’re concerned about what happened here.”
Both Bob and his man, Sneed, were clearly on edge, and their eyes flicked from one squad member to the next, sizing them up as though a fight were imminent. Knuckle was the only one to react to this. Seated at the very edge of a pew, he shifted to get his feet under him and dropped his right hand to the head of his warhammer.
“Well, thank you for your concern, Bob. What can we help you with?” Choke asked.
“I guess I just wanted to know what happened,” Bob said as he cleared his throat.
“Well, Bob. Last night four horse thieves thought they’d try their luck with us. One got away,” Choke said.
“So you killed three of them,” Lieutenant Dixon said with an edge.
“Yes. As you saw. What of it, Lieutenant?”
“Well, Bartholomew, I couldn’t help notice that two of them were shot through the back. And, I am sorry to have to bring this up, but we have only your word that they were horse thieves,” Lieutenant Dixon said, straightening himself up smartly as he did.
Choke stared at him.
Dixon stared back.
“It sounds to me, Lieutenant, that you might be thinking we murdered them last night,” Choke said quietly.
“Well, Bartholomew, as for horses changing hands, you are the ones who seems to have done the best for yourselves in that regard. And two of them were, after all, shot through the back,” Dixon said.
“Is this a joke?” Choke snapped. He then gestured towards Pinch. “They shot—”
“They shot at us,” Peep interrupted Choke smartly.
“So you say,” Lieutenant Dixon said to her.
“Yeah. So I say. Dick son,” Peep smiled back at him.
“Let me ask you, Lieutenant,” Choke said, “in whatever theory you are cooking up here, just what was it that those four were doing here at the church in the middle of the night?”
“We’re looking into that,” Sneed interjected.
“Excuse me?” Choke snapped.
“Listen,” Bob said, holding his hand up in a calming gesture, “let’s not get too worked up about this. But, one of the bodies out there was Sneed’s man.”
“So he was a teamster,” Choke said.
Knuckle, Peep, and Pinch all shifted with creaking leather as they griped their sidearms.
“No,” Bob said calmly. “He was not a teamster. The man worked for Sneed from time to time on jobs for us.”
“Would those be the kinda jobs where him and his boys are paid not to rob yar wagons?” Peep asked.
“Oh, yar a funny one, aren’t ye, little girl,” Sneed said to Peep, his teeth bared in a snarl.
“And aren’t you just a fuzzy, yellow duckling,” Peep returned.
“What?”
“Yar cute, is alls I meant. I can’t wait to play with ye,” she smiled.
Bob, Lieutenant Dixon, and Choke all opened their mouths to say something. Choke was the first to do so, cutting the other two off:
“I am curious: just what it is all of you think you are up to here?”
“I could ask you youngsters the very same thing,” Dixon said with a smirk as he called back to Choke’s exchange with him the day before.
“I told you that yesterday. We are here to help Brother Barrelmender in his legal and religious duties,” Choke said.
“And he took ye on, did he? Just like that?”
“Well, here we are in the church.”
“Yes, here you are.”
“What I wanna know is,” Peep interjected in a too-loud voice, “is why the eight of us are sitting around trying to have a discussion, and not one of us has mentioned the giant turd that’s laying right in the middle things, stinking up the whole affair.”
“What turd would that be, Miss Otilla?” Lieutenant Dixon asked her tiredly.
“Well, not three weeks ago, Alan ‘the cocksucker’ Mason came through here with a dozen of the best local killers he could buy for the Outfit. Heavy fuckin squad. And I’m guessing he made an offer of gold coin for information leading him to us. Then he caught wind of us in Callic and lit outta here, heading right for us. And now that he’s fucked up, and we show up here, you, Bob, the local teamster boss, come at us with the heat talking a bunch of legal bullshit. And we’re all supposed to pretend that there aint that whole Outfit situation stinking everything up.”
“Right. That turd,” Bob said. “It is a stinker.”
“Isn’t is, Bob?” Peep agreed. “Now I understand that you understand that we understand what side your bread is buttered on. The Outfit aint gonna let go of their beef with us, and something’s gonna have to be done about us. Then there’s Alan ‘the cocksucker’ Mason, out in the fuckin weeds somewhere, no doubt working on something. And I aint figured out yet who is in who’s pocket here, or if it’s just a good, old-fashioned circle-jerk situation. But what I do know is that neither of ye,” Peep pointed to Bob and then Dixon, “are the kind of motherfuckers that are gonna turn down coin from the Outfit. And once that coin gets took, the Outfit aint gonna let ye slip on what they think ye should be doing. So, Bob, it seems to me that ye came up here today with yar death technician to see for yarself just what it is yar dealing with here. Get a firsthand look at the nature of yar problem.”
“Yeah. I suppose we understand each other,” Bob said to Peep, his previous menacing glare now tinged with begrudging respect.
“So, Bob, let me ask ye, then: how’s it looking for ye so far?”
“I’ll get back to ye on that,” Bob said.
“Okay, now, that’s enough,” Lieutenant Dixon said, slamming his gloved hand down on the back of the pew in front of him. “We lose sight of the bigger picture! I will have satisfaction about what happened here last night!”
“No you won’t, Dick son.” Peep grinned at him. “What is it ye think yar gonna do here? Accuse us of murder because some Outfit killer told ye that his boy was up here picking daisies for his sweety last night?”
“Excuse me?”
“Shove it up yar ass, Lieutenant. Fuck off,” Peep said.
Both Bob and Sneed actually chuckled at this.
Lieutenant Dixon puffed himself up to his full affronted posture. When he was finally about to speak, Peep interrupted him:
“I’m wondering about you, Lieutenant. I’m wondering if yar just smart enough to do something really stupid here.”
Lieutenant Dixon seemed set to stand up and start shouting, but this time it was Bob that cut him off. He put his hand on Dixon’s shoulder to quieten him as he leaned forward with an amused gleam in his eye.
“Whad’ye mean by that, Miss Otilla?” Bob asked.
“Well, Bob, I’m wondering if yar lieutenant is the type of person that’s smart enough to line his nest when he has the opportunity, but then is too stupid to recognized when the wind’s about to change.”
Peep let that sit as she looked all three of her adversaries dead in the eye. Then she continued reasonably:
“Listen, fellas, I understand where yar coming from here. I really do. Ye have this nice setup out here in the bush. The whole place just important enough to warrant ye being out here, but not important enough that anyone that matters gets up in yar shit about what yar up to. Keep them wagons moving south, and no one gives a shit.
“And ye got used to always having everything yar way. That when ye get in a beef, what with ye all being the law out here, ye get to tell everyone how it is, and that’s just how it is. So things don’t go yar way last night and ye come up here heavy and think yar gonna push us around. It’s natural. I get it. I don’t blame ye for trying it.”
“Now, just back up a second,” Bob said calmly. “Last night had nothing to with us. None of them boys came up here on our say so. It’s just that one of them was someone we worked with, on occasion.”
“That’s understood,” Choke interjected. “What was his name, by the way?”
Bob shrugged and looked to Sneed.
“Falin,” Sneed answered.
“And the other two: do you know them?”
“No. Never seen them before in my life. Look to be bandits outta the Moondark Hills,” Sneed said.
“Well, if you don’t mind my saying, sir, all three of them look just the same type to me,” Choke said.
Sneed shrugged.
“Look, it don’t matter what them guys were. They’re dead,” Peep said. “And if ye think ye have the juice to come at us legal over it, then go right ahead. Now, I don’t have a good handle on how that’s gonna play out. Bartholomew, what do you think?”
“Well, Lieutenant,” Choke said, “if you feel you have a case against us for murder, then, as the ranking officer of the garrison, it is your duty to take your case to the lawful magistrate. Then, if he feels that your case is credible, he may issue you warrant, verbal or otherwise, to arrest us for trial. That’s it. Now, of course, you are also free to report everything to your superiors. I tell you that I shall be writing a comprehensive report on everything, which I shall submit to Father Morrenthall as well as the commander of Fort Spitzer.”
“And who would that be?” Lieutenant Dixon asked Choke venomously.
“I don’t know, Lieutenant. When we were there, we were dealing with a Lieutenant Cooper. While I am quite sure he is not the fort’s commander, I have no doubt Father Morrenthall will be able to steer us in this matter. Suffice to say that, differing perspectives aside, if any of us are behaving in a legally untenable manner, then I am quite sure we shall come to be held accountable in due course.”
Dixon stared at Choke for a long moment.
Choke stared back. He then smiled before continuing:
“Finally, if I may, Lieutenant, it may be helpful for you to think about whatever you have heard about the events in Callic between Alan Mason and Captain Fairchild. So, if that is quite all, I think we are done with entertaining your accusations and insinuations. Do feel free go to Brother Barrelmender. Thank you.”
Choke stood up smartly and gave first Dixon, and then Bob and Sneed a deep nod.
“Sirs, it was good to meet you. Thank you for your concern,” Choke said.
As everyone else stood, Peep lightly hopped over the back of her pew so that she had a good angle on all four opponents for a Flaming Hands. Then she stood with a grin rubbing her palms together as she eyeballed Sneed.
“Thanks. You too,” Bob said to Choke, giving Peep a sharp sideways look.
Lieutenant Dixon said nothing as he turned and stomped from the church with Sergeant Wagner following.
Choke turned to Sneed:
“Sir, would you care to take possession of your man’s remains for his people?”
“No.”
“Very well. Good day to you, sirs,” Choke said with another nod.
“Yeah,” Bob said curtly as he and Sneed left.
Peep, Knuckle, and Pinch went to the open church doors to watch the four men mount up and ride down the south lane towards the Crotch.
“Well, fuckin A!” Peep exclaimed happily as the four of them sat back down in the pews to talk over the meeting. “This was productive day, after all!”
“How so? Our objective in meeting Dixon today was to get him to secure the town. Instead, we have basically initiated hostilities with him,” Choke said.
“Exactly! Like I said: productive.”
“All right. Explain your thinking,” Choke said, actually looking quite a bit less worried than he usually did in these situations.
“Okay. So, first things first, we didn’t initiate hostilities with him. He did with us when he came at us with that murder bullshit. Right?” Peep said.
“Yes, agreed,” Choke said as Pinch and Knuckle both nodded.
“Right. So, in one meeting today we confirmed that our lieutenant here is bent. And we met who is pulling his strings. And we met the bossman’s number one killer. They fucked up and filled in all those blanks for us this morning,” said Peep.
“Okay…” Knuckle said ponderously. “But how did ye know that it was Bob in charge? Ye told them ye hadn’t figured out who was in who’s pocket.”
“Yeah, because right at that moment I didn’t know. Then they went ahead and showed us plain as day that Bob’s the big swinging dick here.”
“Okay, yeah, that’s how it looked to me. But how d’ye know that exactly?” Knuckle asked.
“Well, I called both him and Dixon motherfuckers that take money from the Outfit and are gonna be in trouble if they don’t do something about us. Right?” Peep said.
“Yeah?”
“Well, Dixon just sat quiet after I said that and let Bob answer me. And for Bob, a teamster boss, saying that he takes Outfit money aint gonna ruffle him. I mean, that’s normal, right? But for a Lieutenant in the King’s army, that aint a good look. Is it? No. But he just sat quiet and let Bob keep talking. If Dixon was the boss, or even equal, I don’t think he’d sit quiet and let that go.”
“Right. Okay, I get it,” Knuckle said.
“Yeah. And then, when I asked Dixon if he was stupid, he was gonna start shouting at me like a baby and Bob shut him down,” Peep continued.
“Well, yeah, that’s when I noticed he was the boss. That was obvious!” Knuckle said.
“Good. I’m glad it was. Maybe yar finally picking something up,” Peep smirked at Knuckle. Then she continued:
“So, anyways, Bob came up here with his soldier boy and his goon and thought he was gonna scare us off. Or, at least, thought it was worth a try. Because, for him, with what he has on his plate, he doesn’t need to kill us; he just needs to get us to fuck off. But, if we stay, he’s gotta kill us. Or, at least, help the Outfit do it.”
“Yes, that makes sense,” Choke said.
“But, see, he fucked up. By bringing his boogeyman, Sneed, here to scare us, he showed us exactly who it is we have to kill first,” Peep said levelly.
“Sneed,” Choke said.
“Right. Sneed’s gotta go. He’s a bad boy.”
“Well, we can’t just murder him,” Choke said.
Peep shrugged. “Maybe you can’t. And it aint murder if he just disappears in the bush. Anyways, it’s gonna take some work. We gotta get out there and see the lay of the land and figure out where these cats lay their heads. And that aint gonna be easy with everyone around here hating our guts like they do.”
“Food for thought, at least,” Pinch said. “So, anyways, we’ll need to be keeping watch on the stables here for the foreseeable future.”
“For sure,” Peep said. Then something else occurred to her and she straightened up to give Choke a backhanded cuff on the arm. “Right! I almost forgot! Choke!”
“What?”
“When Dixon started talking that murder bullshit about last night, ye almost told them that their boys shot Pinch and Knuckle. You were gonna tell them that, weren’t ye?”
Choke flinched and looked downwards in embarrassment.
“Right. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Don’t do that. Don’t be telling assholes like that our business. They don’t need to know how close them bad boys came to giving us a real problem. If they’d had real bows, Pinch ye’d be dead for sure, and Knuckle, ye probably would be too. And no one needs to know that I got Stron’s healing to help us out. Because I guarantee that almost everyone around here was scared of those cats, and if they think we took them down no sweat, then that’s all to the good for us. Right?”
“Yes. I understand, Peep. That was a mistake. Thank you for catching it,” Choke said.
“No problem, man. Don’t ye worry, we’ll get ye dummies schooled yet.”
Muse Vassal 