On the job I combine highly professional and skilled work with aggressive and horrifyingly repulsive guerrilla flatulence.
Well, alright then, Mr. Business Success Consultant with all your snappy answers for every possible scenario, tell me this:
What do you do when you’re giving an crucial presentation to the Board of Directors and your butt plug pops out and slides down the back of your pant leg, and you know from bitter experience that it’s going to fall out onto the floor right there in front of everyone? What then, huh?
If you have some kind of mental-hygiene, positive visualization, networking hack to solve this one, I’d love to hear it.
Brevity is the soul of wit? Fuck that.
“Sometimes I’ll get a whole finger up my ass before I realize what I’m doing. Then I’m like: Goddamnit, this dollar store doesn’t even have a bathroom.”