Women’s Better Living Through Chemistry

Hey ladies! Did you know that so many of your marital woes can be solved by a daily application of any over the counter douche? It’s true!

But it’s not like you think.

You see, back in day some intrepid female chemists working for a major chemical company came up with an ingenious solution for the problem plaguing so many women: their husbands. Knowing that the kind of men who are most problematic are also those least likely to investigate anything even remotely vaginal, those nameless feminist heroes hatched their clever plan.

They developed a simple chemical additive that is used in all “feminine hygiene” products to this day. It works just fine for it’s stated purpose in the product, but it also has a second function.

If you have a problem husband, simply feel him one tablespoon of douche every day. It doesn’t matter if it is cooked or not, the chemical will do its work either way. Timelines will vary, but if you keep this up, your husband will develop terminal bowel cancer within three to five years. This is not a joke. It works.

Women have quietly been spreading the word about douche’s true purpose for years. Thanks to this wonderful “life hygiene” product, so many women have been enjoying the freedom that being a widow with a full inheritance can bring.

As an interesting aside, this practice is also the true etymology for the word, “douchebag.” He is indeed. And his days are numbered.